Demi
Feeling my little girl kick and flutter around in my belly is something I find so incredible. I spend most of my mornings just lying in bed, my hands resting on my belly as she does her daily yoga routine. Her little stretches make me smile but as I lay in bed this morning, there was a heaviness in my heart.
"Come on, Little One. You're normally so active in the morning" tears welled up in my eyes as I gently poked my belly. "Move for mommy, Baby Girl" tears welled up in my eyes. I glanced over at Odell who lay fast asleep, his head turned to me. I sniffled, wiping quickly at my cheeks. "Odell" I nudged him gently in the side. "O?" he grumbled awake, lifting his hand up to rub at his eyes which opened and instantly filled with concern as they met mine. He was suddenly wide awake.
"What's wrong, Baby?"
"I-I think somethings wrong" his eyebrows scrunched together as he pushed himself to sit.
"Are you having pains?"
"No, she-she hasn't moved. I-I've been sat here for half an hour and normally she's really active in the morning" I choked on a sob as I continued to caress my belly. I suddenly felt extremely empty. "Odell, somethings wrong" he nodded as he slid out of bed. I watched him through my tears.
"I-I'll give them a ring, let-let them know that we-we're coming in" I numbly nodded as I glanced down at my bump. The tears flowed faster down my cheeks as he grabbed his phone and then left the room. I kept one hand on my belly as I climbed out of bed, hoping that I'd feel some sort of movement. I prayed so hard that baby would prove me wrong and would kick against my hand. I continued to cry as I pulled on a pair of leggings and a shirt. I jumped as a hand settled on my back, my tears seemed to just fall harder as I turned to Odell. "They-They're setting up a room for us. Dr Jones is in" I nodded, biting down on my lip as my chin quivered. He wrapped his arm around me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I sobbed against him for a moment.
"I'm so sorry" he lightly took a hold of my shoulders and he held me at a distance, cupping my face in his hands.
"Don't apologise. For all we know, she-she could just be sleeping or something" his hand moved to my bump. I think we both knew that something was seriously wrong. "Let me get dressed and then we can go" I nodded, wiping lightly at his cheeks. "I love you and whatever happens, we're in this together, okay?" he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. A silence settled around us as I watched Odell get dressed. Batman ran straight to me as I stepped into the living room, it was like he could sense that something was wrong though because he wasn't as bouncy as normal. Odell grabbed the keys for the car and then got Batman settled in his crate as I stood by the door, continuing to caress my belly in the hopes that baby girl would eventually move. "Baby?" I jumped at the voice, glancing up at Odell who combed his fingers through my hair. He pressed a kiss to my cheek and then slid his hand into mine. He remained silent as he led me from the house. We remained silent as we sat in the car, tears just continued to pour down my cheeks. Odell's hand was settled on my thigh, his thumb lightly caressing my leg as I continued to poke my stomach in the hopes that baby girl would move.
"She-She was fine yesterday" I glanced to Odell, my heart breaking at the tear that rolled down his cheek. "We've lost her, haven't we?" he gave my thigh a squeeze.
"I-I don't know, Baby" I choked on a sob as I glanced down at his hand that took a hold of mine. "We just-We have to hope that everything's okay and she just-she..." he stopped himself. I choked on a sob as I gave his hand a squeeze. The silence fell around us again as we pulled into the parking lot outside the maternity department. My heart broke as I glanced down at my bump. I eventually found the courage to climb from the car, Odell by my side as we walked towards the building. We were taken straight into a private room. Dr Jones appeared less than a moment later, a sympathetic smile tugging at her lips as she pulled the ultrasound machine towards her.
"Demi, when did you last feel baby move?" I lifted up my shirt as she began to feel my belly.
"Yesterday afternoon. I-I had a concert last night, I didn't feel her when I went to bed but she-she usually isn't that active at night" Dr Jones nodded. Odell took my hand in his and he intertwined our fingers, bringing my hand up to his lips. I held my breath as Dr Jones squirted some gel onto my stomach. The silence that settled around us was deafening. I could tell by Dr Jones's face that it wasn't good news.
"I'm really sorry, Demi, but there's no heartbeat" I choked on a sob as Odell nuzzled his face into my neck. I stared up at the ceiling, trying to get my mind around it. She was fine yesterday, how can this happen so suddenly? My baby girl's dead. What did she do to deserve this? She's a baby. What did I do wrong? As the questions flooded my brain I was trying to think of ways to end the pain? How can I stop my heart from completely shattering? What's the best way to end it all?
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I'm sorry 😭💔
