Demi
Odell's grip remained tight on my hand as Dr Jones explained that I would need to be induced. After hearing that, everything else just didn't sink in. It sounded like white noise. I have to give birth to my dead daughter. I jumped as Odell's fingers lightly caressed the side of my face. I turned to meet his tear filled gaze, I glanced down as he wiped my cheek.
"Demi" I sniffled and then glanced back up at Dr Jones. "We can either schedule the induction for a couple days time or we can do it today, it all depends on what you want" I turned to Odell who lifted my hand up to his lips.
"What I want is for my baby to be okay but that isn't possible" Dr Jones glanced briefly down at her hands. "I-I don't wanna carry my dead baby around. Can we do it today?" she flashed me a light smile as she nodded. "What-What did I do wrong?" Dr Jones shook her head. Odell pressed his lips to my temple as I choked on a sob.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Demi. Unfortunately, we don't always know why this happens. I'm going to sort out getting you up to a ward, okay?" I blankly nodded, going back to staring at the wall as she pushed herself up from the chair and she left. Odell's fingers played with mine. As soon as the door closed behind Dr Jones, I started to sob. Odell wrapped his arm around me and I sobbed into his chest. His lips pressed a delicate kiss to the top of my head. My heart had completely shattered. There wasn't anything left. I clutched my stomach and even though I know my baby girl is dead, I still prayed for some sort of movement. We won't be planning the nursery we had been talking about, we'll be planning a funeral instead.
"This is my fault" I sobbed as I pulled away from Odell, wiping at my cheeks. "Our baby died because of me" Odell shook his head as he cupped my face in his hands.
"You couldn't have done anything different, Baby. This isn't your fault. You didn't cause this."
"It hurts so much" Odell wrapped his arms back around me.
"I know it does, Angel" he cradled me until Dr Jones stepped back into the room with an orderly just behind her.
"We've got you a bed on a ward just upstairs. Tom's going to take you up, okay?" I silently nodded as I climbed off the bed, Odell's hand holding my arm as I lowered myself into the wheelchair. He remained beside me as I was wheeled from the room. Once I was settled, a nurse came in with the medication to start the labour. It hurt so much to accept it. I want my baby to be okay but they're not. I've lost them. I kept my eyes locked on the wall, tears flowing down my cheeks.
"Do-Do you want me to contact our parents?" all I could do was nod. I was afraid that if I spoke, I'd just start crying. Odell pressed a kiss to my temple. "I'll be outside" I only took my eyes off the wall as the door closed behind him. I glanced down at my stomach, lightly caressing it as tears flowed down my cheeks. We had just ordered a crib for delivery and now we're gonna have to cancel it. Our baby will never sleep in it. We'd brought paint ready to decorate. I'd made a wish list of everything I wanted. The first cramp I felt made me sob. I clutched my stomach out of fear. I'm never going to see them grow. Odell stepped back into the room, his eyes bloodshot. "My mom said she'll ring yours" I nodded as he took a seat back beside me. He took my hand in his, concern covering his features as I whimpered. "The-The pains have started already?" I sobbed as his hand moved to rest on my stomach.
"I'm so sorry."
"This isn't your fault, Baby" he pressed his lips to my forehead. "You couldn't have prevented this."
"I hate this so much" he nodded as he cuddled himself into me. "It hurts so much. I don't wanna do this" his grip tightened around me as I sobbed into him, clutching onto his shirt. I gritted my teeth at another contraction, holding back the scream I felt forcing it's way up my throat. Odell's hand moved to rub my back. "I wanted this baby so much. I never didn't" Odell pressed his lips to my temple. The only sounds that came from my mouth from that moment on were screams of complete agony. I couldn't work out whether the pain from the contractions were worse than the ache in my heart. Odell's hand remained tight on mine as I pushed through the contraction. I sobbed through every contraction. The pain was unbearable. I don't think I'd ever felt anything like it. I thought I'd feel relief when the pressure disappeared from between my legs but I didn't. I felt completely empty. There was no cry like I'd imagined there to be. There was just silence. I nuzzled myself into Odell and we cried together.
"Demi" I pulled myself away from Odell, wiping at my cheeks as I glanced down at Dr Jones. "Would you like to see baby?" I glanced to meet Odell's gaze as he combed his fingers through my hair. I swallowed the lump from my throat as I nodded. Odell pressed a kiss to my temple as Dr Jones wrapped our baby girl up in a towel and slowly handed her over to me. I can honestly say I didn't expect her to look so much like an actual baby. She just looked as if she was sleeping. I caressed the side of her face as tears poured down my cheeks. Odell placed his hand over mine.
"Hi Baby Girl" he pressed his lips to my temple as I sobbed. "I said you'd be beautiful like your mommy" his thumb lightly caressed her cheek. "Sleep tight, my Angel."
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