Teach me to trust

23. Dull

I lie awake the next morning, my head pounding, and a dull feeling settled deep within my chest.

So much progress, destroyed in one night.

I hear my phone vibrate next to me, for the seventh time today but I don't have the energy to see who it is. I don't have the energy to do anything. I feel physically and mentally exhausted.

I wave of guilt hits me when I realise, I didn't even ask for the CCTV from Sam.

'Selfish little girl'

I hear his voice in my head and almost laugh at how accurate that statement is right now. In my own flurry of shit, I forgot about helping one of the people that has become such a kind friend to me in this last month or so.

I hear my phone vibrating again, a phone call this time, I think.

I contemplate picking up my phone to see who's calling but it feels as though my brain has shut down, the trauma that came rushing back last night seems to have put my body in its own protection mode.

If I can't find the energy to get up and see anyone, I can't get hurt.

I wake up what seems like a few hours later judging by the fact that the sun is a little lower in the sky now and I rub my eyes. I don't even remember falling asleep, but I still feel so tired. Closing my eyes, I'm about to drift off when a loud knock at the door disrupts me.

Who the fuck is that

I groan, lying in bed for a few minutes and hoping that whoever it is will go away. But clearly, my luck ran out last night judging by the fact that the loud knocks ring out again. Sitting up, I climb out of bed and put my slippers on as I go, hoping that whoever is at the door won't throw up at the sight of me in joggers and a hoody two sizes too big, messy bun on the top of my head.

I reach the bottom of the stairs and the knocking starts again, lighting some spark of anger inside me and I storm to the door, unlocking it and opening it quickly, my face twisted in anger,

"Why in the fuck do you think-" and my words cease.

There, stood in front of me, hand poised to knock is Keira, but that's not what has caused me to loose the power of speech.

It's the four people stood behind her, JD, Lily, Marc and Nate, all sporting concerned looks until they see me stood here, breathing sighs of relief and I'm about to ask exactly what's going on when Keira launches herself at me.

She jumps towards me, hugging me and knocking me on my ass.

"Oh thank God you're okay! I've been calling and texting all morning and you've not replied" she gets off me, reaching her hand down to lift me up, getting a good look at my tired face and she begins to look confused.

"When I couldn't get hold of you I called Sam to ask what time you got off work and I was worried you didn't make it home" I feel my heart stutter when she mentions Sam, hoping to god she didn't find out about Dylan turning up before I could tell her.

I glance behind her at the group of people still waiting patiently outside and my eyes land on Nate, standing there with his hands in his pockets and a confused look on his face. As if he knows something isn't quite right.

Keira catches where my eyes go and gives me a sly smirk,

"Oh and these lovely people pulled up outside at the same time as me, ranting about how nobody has heard from you. Nice to know it isn't just me you're ignoring" and I can see Nate frown behind her at the thought.

"Well you can all see that I'm fine so" and I move the close the door, when Keira pushes it back open, stepping into my house, followed by my four friends.

"Okay what the hell is going on Em?" and I feel a grimace take over my face at the nickname, the memory of his voice last night making me feel sick.

My facial expression clearly doesn't go unnoticed by any of my surprise visitors.

"Why don't I make us all some tea?" Lily steps in, her voice is gentle, and kind and I can see her cast a look to Keira.

She nods to Marc, who comes to put his arm around my shoulder,

"This place is nice huh, how about a tour?" he asks, turning me away from the front door and into my living room, JD and Nate following closely behind.

"oooo, I love tours" JD says with enthusiasm and I can see him rubbing his hands together next to me, eyes darting around the place and I'm glad it's relatively clean.

"I'll go see if Lily and Keira need any help with the cups" Marc says, pointing his thumb over his shoulder to the kitchen in the other room and I nod at him, receiving a small smile in return.

"If I'm gonna be drinking tea I'm gonna have to pee first, where is your toilet?" JD asks next and I move to show him where it is when Keira pops her head around the door,

"I'll show you where it is. There's something I need to grab from upstairs anyway" and I swear I see a blush of pink rising up JD's neck as Keira talks to him before he heads her way, the both of them walking towards the stairs.

My heart beat feels audible when I realise me and Nate are alone now. I don't know if I can look at him, I don't know how I'm going to explain my strange mood and the fact that I haven't responded to his texts.

I open my mouth to throw some half planned explanation when two warm hands grip the side of my face, tilting my head up. My eyes meet Nate's looking over my face with a warmth I didn't expect to see.

Like somehow, he would see what Dylan saw in me, and his look would be laced with disgust and contempt. But it isn't, it's the look Nate always gives me. Like he can't get enough of me.

He leans forward and gives me a slow, gentle kiss, pulling back and resting his forehead against mine.

"I missed you" he tells me quietly, looping his arms around the back of my neck and pulling me into him, holding me firmly to his chest.

My arms hang loose at my side for a moment, in all of my darkness last night, I forgot that this is what I need, care and affection. Not broken promises and infidelity.

I lift my arms up slowly, wrapping them around his back and I feel my lips tremble. Here, now with Nate I feel safe again, my heart doesn't feel so heavy and it's almost like I needed to be reminded of what my present looks like, not a harsh reminder of my broken past.

I can't help but sniffle, squeezing him tighter and I feel him tense at the sound that escaped me, pulling back slowly and holding me in front of him by my shoulders. When he sees the wetness gathered in my eyes, his own widen slightly, pulling me to sit down on the couch and kneeling in front of me.

His hands come up to grip my face again as he quickly looks me over,

"Look you don't need to tell me what happened right now, but I need to know that you're okay" he tells me, quietly I assume so the others don't know what's going on.

I nod gently at him,

"I'm okay" I whisper to him, and I can tell he isn't really convinced but he won't push me.

His forehead rests against mine from when I leaned down towards him, his eyes closing as we sit here together and I can't ignore how some of that dull feeling that felt so rooted within my chest this morning is somewhat lighter.

All because of this man in front of me, and my friends.