Teach me to trust

66. Trust

My peaceful morning on the couch isn't long lived, my phone going off every five seconds with a bombardment of texts from Keira,

'Okay what about this dress place?'

'Or this one!! They both have cute dresses'

'And I found 4 or 5 venues you could look at!'

'We have to get matching pyjamas for the night before the wedding obviously'

'Don't forget some sexy ass underwear that your HUSBAND will enjoy'

I read through the texts, laughing at how much she's clearly been dying to text me about this, the knowledge of my engagement must have been driving her crazy because she couldn't talk to me about it.

'K, I've been engaged for about 2 weeks, I don't think I need to be looking at all this just yet'

Nate appears behind me, head hanging over mine from behind the couch, an amused smile on his lips, holding his phone up and waving it at me,

"Your phone not getting a break today either? JD seems to be on the same wavelength as Keira when it comes to the wedding. He's been sending me links to suit shops"

I drop my head back and close my eyes,

"Is it too soon to book another holiday? I might leave my phone here"

Nate chuckles above me and kisses me on the head, rounding the couch to sit down next to me,

"If that's what you want just say the word and I'll book it right now" he drops his phone on the couch next to him, "I've just put mine on do not disturb. How long do you think it'll take before JD texts you?"

I pick up my phone and do the same thing, showing him the do not disturb sign and dropping it back down next to me,

"If he does I won't know" I sigh out, putting my phone back down and rubbing my eyes, feeling a headache coming on.

"What's wrong?" Nate asks, rubbing my back when I lean forward,

"I don't know, it's just" I sigh again, sitting back and looking over at him, "I didn't expect to have all this sprung on me so fast. I wanted to enjoy this time just being engaged to you, not rushing into all this planning"

"There's no rush" he tells me, "We take this at our own pace. They're just trying to be helpful but if this is going to stress you out, I'll talk to them. We do this our own way and when it feels right for us"

I nod at his words,

"Yeah, okay. Our own pace, I like the sound of that"

He pulls me into his side and turns the tv up, shifting to get comfortable and playing with the ends of my hair,

"Hey, uh" he begins, "Have you heard anything from Dylan since he showed up here?"

I'm startled by the question, wondering why he chose now to ask since it feels like it's been so long since it happened,

"No, nothing. I haven't seen him since then and haven't heard anything either" I look up at him, "Keira mentioned she thinks she might have seen him a few days later with a group of guys, getting in a taxi with their bags, so I guess he's gone back home"

Nate nods his head in thought,

"Why do you ask?"

He turns to look at me,

"I've just been thinking about it" he confesses, "I was worried in case he'd been around again, and you didn't want to tell me. I don't ever want you in that kind of position again"

"Well, I won't ever be. I've got you now, remember?" I wave my hand in his face, showing the ring, relaxing when a grin lights up his face.

"That you do. You've had me for a lot longer than you ever realised. You were just happy in your own little world for a while"

I groan at the memory of him telling me how long he'd wanted to talk to me, but I never noticed him,

"Actually I have a question" I sit up slightly, "Someone made a comment yesterday about you never having the balls to talk to me. What exactly was that about?"

Nate chuckles, his cheeks tinted slightly pink,

"I was wondering when you'd ask. There were a few times when I went up to the bar to try and talk to you whenever it seemed to be quiet. I almost got there once, you were just about to turn around and serve me but I wussed out" he laughs at the memory, "I ended up just going back to the table and asking someone else to go to the bar"

I'm shocked at his words, when he seemed so confident those times I interacted with him. He takes a breath and carries on,

"When I came back inside that night and saw you stood at our table, my heart just about beat out of my chest. I had no idea what I would even say to you, I just remember picking up my drink and I nearly choked when you looked at me. Those eyes" he whistles lowly, "I wanted you before that but the second you really looked at me, I knew I was fucked"

My cheeks heat at his words and I know for a fact I didn't look my best at work, I never did,

"I remember that" I tell him, watching him perk up at my words, brows raised slightly, "Yeah, I came over to bring the drinks cause it was busy and JD was chatting away to me. You intimidated the hell out of me, but I remember thinking how hot you were"

"Yeah, I think JD was trying to keep you around until I came back, he sent me the biggest shit eating grin when I got back to the table and you were still stood there"

"I wish I'd have spoken to you sooner or seen you sooner. I was so nervous going into work after that, thinking you might be there and not knowing exactly what the hell I was supposed to say to you"

He grips me tight to his side at my words, squeezing me in his arms and pushing his lips against my head,

"You've really changed me for the better, I hope you know that" I tell him,

"You've changed me too. I never thought I'd be here but I'm sure as shit glad that I am"

"I am too. You've really brought me out of my shell. I'm a lot more confident now then I ever was before. Keira really helped me a lot when I came here but you were the icing on the cake. You brought out this side to me I didn't think I would find after my last relationship"

He squeezes me tight again at my words, pulling me up and onto his lap, sitting us face to face, his eyes alight and soft as they trail over my face, a warmth behind them that makes me feel like I'm exactly where I need to be.

"I'll be eternally grateful for you" I lean forward and kiss his nose, "You've helped me overcome a lot without me even realising and you taught me it's okay to trust. I can't ever thank you enough"

He pulls me into him, cradling my face in his hands,

"We've got the rest of our lives to thank each other, sweetheart"

He pulls my face to his, kissing me softly and I lace my tongue with his, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, trying to get as close as I can to him, my body feeling warm and my head feeling clear.

He responds in turn, groaning into my mouth and wrapping his arms around my back, never breaking our kiss and even when we both pull away for air, our lack of contact lasts for a few seconds, both of us reconnecting, physically and emotionally.

I realise in this moment that this man is my home, my safe space and I would never want to be anywhere else, if he wasn't right here with me.