in my head

Chapter 33

I just laid there hoping no one would come up to me. The lights seemed to be moving and swirling in the shape of infinity symbols. The grass tickled my face which made me laugh. How had I gone from crying to now laughing in the space of a few minutes.

"Lucie, what the fuck happened?" I heard Timothee's voice.

"I don't know" Still laughing.

He lifted me up and took me to the car. He leaned over putting my seat belt on which made me smile.

I don't know if I forgot or just blacked out but I was back in Timothee's apartment on the bed.

Everything was intensifying. The silk bed sheet felt like water against my skin, almost like I could swim in it. Was it water. I turned over facing the bed and circled my arms. The coldness on my face felt soothing.

"Hey" Timothee said but I swear I could taste his voice.

He placed his hand on my face which felt like the best feeling in the world.

"Lucie please what happened?"

"Oh no you're out of your mind it won't happen to me" I sang.

I rolled around on the bed still pretending like I could swim and then I fell on the floor. The floor seemed to be moving as though it was made of sand. You know when it blows in the wind and ridges are made on the top.

"Timothee the floor, it's moving" I said.

I felt his hands pull me back up onto the bed.

"Lucie I need to know what you've taken, please just tell me what happened?" He begged. His eyes twinkled but I could see pain and concern in them.

"I just went to a party" I said rolling my head.

"What party?"

"I don't know. Some girl...asked m-me"

"Did you know her?"

"No"

"You went to a party with a random girl" He sounded angry.

"Uh huh"

I just wanted Timothee to lay with me and stop asking me questions. Taking his hand and putting it to my face I can't even tell you how good it felt.

"Ok so what happened at this party?" Trying to calm down.

"I danced to a song. The-the one in euphoria"

"And then what else?"

"Um...oh s-some girl did shots with me even th-though I didn't really want to"

"The same girl who took you there?"

"No different"

Once Timothee started asking me what happened I started feeling different. A wave of sadness had hit me sending me into an extreme low.

"And then...I was dancing and I f-fell" remembering the horrible event about to come up

"but I woke u-up in a room. I c-can't remember how" my heart was starting to beat too fast like it was going to explode.

"and I-I couldn't walk to th-the door"

Timothee's eyes were no longer that perfect green but sadness and anger stormed around in them.

"Then a g-guy put me on th-the b-bed" I could hardly get my words as tears streamed down my face and I didn't even want to look at Timothee.

"Th-then he forced my mouth o-open and put s-something in my m-mouth" I cried.

"I managed to g-get out and then I called y-you"

My could hear my heart in my ears. It was deafening.

"I-I'm sorry" I sobbed.

He didn't say anything and I didn't want to look at him. I rubbed my eyes and face.

"God I'm so fucking stupid" I got up and walked to the bathroom.

Turning the light on and seeing my reflection in the mirror almost brought me back to reality for a second. My hair was damp and mascara stained my face. I fell to the floor feeling worse than ever like every ounce of happiness had been sucked out of me.

"I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm stupid" I sobbed.

I pressed on my chest because I felt like my heart was beating too fast. I felt like I couldn't breath and all my muscles ached to the point I couldn't get myself back up. Crying and laying on the bathroom floor I felt Timothee's hand on my back.

"What's wrong with me?" I whispered not expecting him to hear me.

"You're on a trip...it's not you" He replied.

"What if this is me" I said in between breaths.

It was hurting to breath and I felt as though I couldn't get enough oxygen into my lungs. And then...