in my head

Chapter 50

Timothee's pov

I woke up to me laying on a familiar couch. Wait why was I here? And how was I here? Pushing myself up with my arm I realised a bandage was wrapped around the top and then I saw her.

Lucie was curled up asleep on the couch with her hair spread messily across her face. God how I'd missed her. If only she knew how much it hurt to leave, to hear the door slam. When I heard the words leave her mouth it felt like a stab to the heart and it stills hurts even now. But I only care about what she wants and if that's not being with me then I'll have to somehow live with that.

As I stood up my head pounded and my body felt weak, like I could pass out if I took another step. Walking home seemed impossible so I sat back down and just laid there for a minute. My mind wondered back to last night but I couldn't remember much. Glass, an elevator and Lucie's face was all I could remember.

"You're awake?" Lucie said in a sleepy voice.

"I think so"

She got up, came straight over to me and unwrapped the bandage. Her eyes scanned my arm but all I could think about is how she hadn't really looked at me yet.

"Should be fine" she said leaving the bandage off.

I didn't say anything just watched as she stood and headed into the kitchen. Something was up but I couldn't tell if it was me being here or if it was something I did or said last night.

Lucie placed two cups of coffee on the table in front of us and then sat back down.

"What happened last night?" I said filling the silence.

"You don't remember?"

"No"

She sighed "well..." and didn't say anything after that just moved her eyes around the room as though she was looking for something.

"Here" I passed the remote to her.

There was something about her that seemed different or off. I watched as she stood, her body appeared weak almost like every step she took was a difficult task. When she turned I could see the tiredness in her face and the paleness in her skin. She looked...lifeless.

"I uh...I should go" I said dreading the walk back.

"Ok" She replied.

As I stood up it felt like the inside of my head was being pounded with a hammer, but it dulled to a more copeable throb. I opened the door and looked back at her. Lucie was staring at the tv looking completely withdrawn. Had I done this to her?

Three weeks passed since I last saw Lucie. I'd been busy getting ready for an audition while also doing press for another film that just came out.

"Timothee have you heard from Lucie?" My mom asked.

"Uh no...no I haven't"

"Well maybe you should just check in, see how she's doing"

"She doesn't want to see me"

"I think she does"

"Mom she told me herself"

"But have you asked yourself why?"

"Why what?"

"Why she wanted to take a break"

"Yeah I've thought about it"

"Even if she doesn't want to see you at least know if she's doing ok" she smiled putting her hand on my shoulder.

"You're right I should make sure she's ok"

"I never got to come round for dinner"

"Dinner?" I said confused.

"Lucie said she'd have me round for dinner one night"

"She did, when?"

"Oh a...a few weeks ago" she gave a look as though I wasn't supposed to know about this conversation she had with Lucie.

"Well what else did she say?"

"Nothing really just-"

"Mom please. If she didn't tell me about going to see you then it must've been something...something I should know about"

"It was just about the incident that happened. She came to tell me it wasn't your fault, it was hers"

"She said that?"

My mom nodded before heading into the kitchen. I didn't even think just got up and went straight there.

I knocked on her apartment door and waited. I knocked again and again. She wasn't the type of person to leave a spare key on top of the door frame but I checked anyway. Maybe she was out or at work. An image flashed into my mind of the time I saw her with that guy. I remember how it knocked the air out of me and how long it took for that air to come back. Resting my head against the door I realised why I hadn't shouted that it was me, it's because I was scared that she'd immediately not answer. The reason I'd been distant is because I'd figured she no longer loved me. I decided to ring her phone but went straight to voicemail. Having no other option I sat on the floor outside her door and waited. I must've fallen asleep because I was woken but the turning of a key.