No Control (Book 1)

37. Clouds

I didn't call Harry that evening. I left work at 5pm on the dot, hurried to the tube and managed to squeeze myself onto the first crowded train that arrived. I avoided eye contact with everyone, and as soon as I got home I changed into my running gear, put some Avril Lavigne on my iPod (I needed some kick-ass girl power) and spent an hour and a half jogging through the streets and around Belsize Park. It was almost completely dark by the time I got home and I didn't bother switching on any lights in the flat except for the bathroom. I took a long shower, changed into my pyjamas and got straight into bed. I wasn't in the mood to eat, or watch tv, or do anything. I just wanted to forget the rest of the world even existed.

I woke up the next morning to 2 missed calls from Harry and 2 messages:

From: Harry Styles: Hey, I'm still up if you want to call me back x

From: Harry Styles: I guess you're not calling back then. I'm going to bed, I'll text you tomorrow x

I looked at the times - the first one I received at 8.01pm and the second one at 9.03pm. That would have been 3am and 4am in the Philippines. What the hell was he still doing up at that time?

I lay in bed for a while staring at the ceiling, singing One Thing in my head and thinking about the band. I opened up my Star Sightings app. This is how I used to stalk the One Direction boys, before I kissed Harry Styles and let him ruin my life. It basically showed where in the world the 1D boys were, along with a photo, usually snapped by a fan. I hadn't been on in a couple of weeks. There were a few pictures of Zayn arriving back in the UK a couple of days ago, and I spent a minute reading the comments. Most of the fans were speculating about whether or not he and Perrie were still together after the cheating rumours. I scrolled up, and found what I was looking for. There were two pictures of Harry from today (it was already 2pm in the Philippines), both showing him eating lunch with a girl I recognised as Lou Teasdale, the band's hair stylist. Maybe I was looking too hard, but I couldn't help thinking he looked fed up in the pictures. The captions agreed with me: "Harry Styles looking sad eating lunch in Manila" and "What's eating you, Harry?"

I sighed. Had I overreacted yesterday? Gary's words had actually made a lot of sense. Would Harry really be making all this effort if he wasn't a little bit interested? And did it really matter what the rest of the world thought?

I opened Twitter and went onto my own profile. I ignored all my mentions (mostly asking what was going on with me and Harry) and tapped New Tweet. I thought for a moment, then typed:

Get out, get out, get out of my head, and fall into my arms instead. I don't, I don't, don't know what it is, but you've got that One Thing

Yes, I know it was cheesy but the stupid song wouldn't get out of my head and it summed up exactly how I was feeling. And yes, I know I am a complete loser. I tapped the button to send the tweet. Within seconds, the mentions started.

@flower_rose: @jessie_braddy was that meant for @Harry_Styles ????????

@frankiesays1D: @jessie_braddy have you forgiven Harry? xx

@cloudsabove888: @jessie_braddy @Harry_Styles just make it official already

@saraht1997: @jessie_braddy are you with @Harry_Styles right now ?? Ask him to follow me!! I love you guys xxxxx

I had barely read the first few when my phone pinged with a text.

From: Harry Styles: Who are you tweeting about so early in the morning? x

Interesting. Either he happened to be on Twitter at that precise moment, or he had a notification set up for when I tweet.

To: Harry Styles: Maybe I'm just listening to One Direction x