No Control (Book 1)

75. Right Now

"Jess, I really don't think this is a good idea," Callie said as I opened my laptop and logged on to Skyscanner.

"Why?" I asked.

"I think... I think you're doing it for the wrong reasons."

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking up.

"Well.... what do you imagine is going to happen when you get there?"

"I'm going to get the truth out of him," I declared.

"Are you sure that's all?" she asked gently.

"Yes," I said, but my voice betrayed me.

"Jess... please think about this. You can't just take him back after what he's done."

"I'm not going to," I said vaguely.

"Then why are you flying over there?" Callie asked, closing my laptop. "You're going to give him the wrong impression. Don't be a pushover."

"I'm not!" I said indignantly.

"It looks like it to me," she said, not unkindly. "You know what you're like around him. You've said yourself you've got no control. If he talks you round you'll fall into his arms and I don't want to you get taken for a ride."

"I will not fall into his arms, believe me," I said. "I'm too angry right now. Too disgusted. I'm not taking him back. I just want an explanation and he needs to understand he can't just ignore me and expect me to disappear quietly into the background."

"I just think you'll feel differently when you see him. You love him, and your heart rules your head. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I don't want you to get hurt any more than you already have been."

"I probably will feel differently, you're right. But I'm not going to forgive him for this," I said. "I hate him for what he's done."

I opened my laptop again and found a flight leaving Heathrow at 8.55 the following morning that would get me into Brussels for 11.10.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Callie said softly as I typed my card details into the website and clicked Confirm.

"I do," I said confidently as I stood up and pulled my passport out of the drawer in the lounge.

I needed the full story, to enable me eventually to get some kind of closure on all of this. I knew I would never be able to get over Harry if I didn't fully understand what had happened. I needed to know why he had hurt me like this.

"Do you want me to stay tonight?" she asked as I called the local cab company and booked my taxi to the airport.

"You don't have to," I told her. "I'll be leaving at the crack of dawn."

"I will anyway," she smiled, and I smiled back gratefully.

I shoved some stuff in an overnight bag in case I couldn't get a flight back the same evening, and left everything by the door ready to go. Callie and I stayed up until midnight going through everything, and I tried Harry a couple more times but eventually came to the conclusion he wasn't going to speak to me. This made me even more determined to turn up without any warning, to show him I was not going to be ignored any longer.

I was up before my alarm sounded in the morning, after not much sleep, and chose my outfit carefully. I wanted to make sure I looked as good as possible under the circumstances. I didn't want Harry to think I had completely fallen apart (even though I had.) I left a note to Callie on the kitchen table telling her to help herself to anything she needed, and to let herself out when she was ready, and went downstairs to wait for my cab.