No Control (Book 1)

38. Moments

I could feel the colour draining from my face at Sarah's words. I stood there completely still, staring at her open-mouthed as she read the full statement, pausing every so often to steady her voice. I could feel tears burning the backs of my eyes and a lump forming in my throat. She finally got to the end, "As for One Direction, fans can rest assured that Niall, Liam, Harry and Louis are hugely excited about the future of the band." She looked up from her phone and we looked at each other. Sarah's bottom lip wobbled, and a tear spilled down my cheek. "Fuck," Sarah whispered.

I felt absolutely ridiculous; 22 years old, standing at the entrance to the car park, crying because Zayn was leaving One Direction, but I couldn't help myself. They were my favourite band of all time, after all. Sarah took a huge sniff and wiped a tear from her eye. We hugged each other.

"Do you think Harry was ringing to tell you?" she sniffed.

"I don't know," I said. "I can't imagine he would have been allowed to say anything until the official statement was released. But he didn't sound himself this morning, so I'm certain this is why."

"What if they split up?" Sarah asked, biting her bottom lip, her voice wavering.

I swallowed hard. "They won't. They're stronger together than they are apart. They're tied in to a contract for another album, and they're in the middle of a world tour."

Sarah nodded, but I wasn't sure of what I was saying. What if Harry was ringing to tell me they were actually splitting up?

Don't be stupid, I told myself. He's not going to ring YOU to say that. There are more important people in his life who would need to know first.

Yes but he knows you'd be devastated, I answered myself.

Stop having conversations in your head, I replied, then shook my head in annoyance at my own ridiculousness.

"Have you spoken to Harry?" Sarah asked.

I shook my head. "I called him a few minutes ago but he didn't answer. They'll still be onstage..." I trailed off as I realised the magnitude of it all. "Oh God, the Jakarta show. They've only just announced Zayn's departure and they'll have had to go onstage... that's if it even went ahead... Google it!!" I instructed Sarah.

I could see Gary, Abby and Nicki walking towards us. "I'm going to try Harry again, I won't be a minute," I said. I walked a few feet away, pulled out my phone and called him again. My heart was pounding as I listened to the now familiar dialtone, followed by his voicemail.

"Hey, it's Harry. I can't come to the phone right now, but leave me a message and I'll call you back. Bye."

I took a deep breath as I waited for the beep. I kept my voice low so I wouldn't be overheard as I left him a message.

"Hey Harry, it's Jess. Sorry I missed all your calls. I've just heard about Zayn... I can't believe it... I hope you're OK and, um, Jakarta went as well as it could. I'm just leaving my conference now so I'll be in the car for a bit, so, um, call me if you want, or I'll be home in about an hour or so. Um, ok, bye."

I ended the call, my hands shaking. Seriously, leaving voicemails was nerve-wracking anyway; leaving Harry Styles a voicemail was enough to get me signed off work with stress. Leaving Harry Styles a voicemail after just discovering Zayn Malik had quit One Direction could potentially make me develop an aneurism.

I walked back to the others, my insides like jelly. "Did you Google the Jakarta show?" I asked Sarah.

"Yeah, they're still performing now," Sarah replied. "Someone's tweeted a video of Harry crying on stage."