No Control (Book 1)

74. Drag Me Down

I don't know how long I lay on the bathroom floor after I finished being sick. The sound of the door buzzer broke the silence that had descended since I'd ended the phonecall to Harry.

Callie. Thank God. I pulled myself to my feet, quickly rinsed my mouth with mouthwash and staggered to the door. I buzzed her in and opened the door to my flat. She took the stairs two at a time and I felt my face crumpling as she looked at me with undisguised pity.

"Oh God," she said, pulling me into a hug as I broke down. "It's true then?"

I nodded against her shoulder.

"Fucking hell, Jess," she breathed.

She manoeuvred me back inside and steered me into the lounge to the sofa. I flopped to the side and buried my head in the cushion and heard her disappear into the kitchen, then the sounds of mugs being pulled out of cupboards and the kettle boiling.

A couple of minutes later she came into the room with two cups of tea and I sat up and wiped my eyes.

"You want to talk about it?" she asked softly.

"I hate him."

"Okayyy, good. That's good. You should fucking hate him. What the hell happened?"

"He shagged her - that fucking slut Sara Sampaio. I hate him. I hate her."

"He admitted it?"

"He rang me and told me," I said, with a huge sniff.

"He rang you up and told you? You mean he just came out with it? 'I shagged someone else'?" Callie looked shocked.

"Sort of," I said. "He was crying and he asked if I'd seen Twitter, and he just started apologising. And first of all I just laughed it off, I thought he was upset that I'd be thinking the worst of him, but it turns out he'd actually done it...." I broke off as my voice wavered again. "I can't believe it, Callie," I wailed. "I finally trusted him. I thought he loved me. I'm so fucking stupid."

"Oh, babe," she said, sliding along the sofa to put her arms around me. "Why did he do it? Did he say?"

"I don't know," I mumbled. "He said she came back to their hotel."

"He took her back to his hotel?!" she spluttered.

"No... I don't know... he didn't say."

"Did she throw herself at him?"

"I don't know," I said miserably.

"Didn't you ask?" Callie wondered.

"I was too busy yelling at him. He just kept apologising and saying he loved me."

"He actually had the balls to ask you to take him back after this?" Callie said, her eyes narrowed.

"No - he didn't ask. He didn't even try and fight for us. I told him I couldn't forgive him and he said he knew I wouldn't. He didn't challenge it, or try and change my mind. He just kept saying sorry."

"He didn't even beg for forgiveness?!" Callie said, her voice rising.

"I guess he knew there would be no point. I'm done, Cal. There's no going back."

"That's no excuse!" she practically shouted. "He should have been on his fucking knees begging! After the shit he's put you through - "

"He hasn't put me through any shit," I sobbed. "I did it to myself."

"I can't believe you're defending him."

"I'm not," I heaved. "But he hadn't done anything up to now to make me doubt him. It was all in my head. I can't hang him for my own insecurities."