No Control (Book 1)

77. No Control

Last chapter!! Oh my God, it's been emotional. Here we go...

(Please read the very short note at the end - it is important, I promise)

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I don't know how long I sat there after Harry left me. I had no concept of time. My mind was reeling from what had just happened.

The one small silver lining was that I wasn't consumed by the thought of Harry having sex with Sara Sampaio, although I was sure that would return later. I was simply too shocked at being unceremoniously dumped to even think about anything else.

I heard footsteps coming along the corridor, and I looked up as Louis walked into the room. His face looked surprised and his eyes were wide.

"Fucking hell - are you alright?" he asked.

I shook my head wordlessly.

"Harry said he broke up with you..?" This was a question.

"Yeah, he did," I answered vaguely.

"What the fuck?"

"I don't... I don't know," I said. I shook my head. "He doesn't love me."

"Yes he does."

"He doesn't," I said faintly. "He told me he doesn't - he just thought he did."

Louis shook his head and raised his eyes to the ceiling. "He does, love. Trust me. His head's just all over the place at the moment."

"Don't," I protested weakly. "I can't cope with any more mystery. My head's about to explode from all this."

"I'll talk to him," he promised, but I shook my head.

"No," I said. "I can't carry on like this. This has to be a clean break, for both our sakes. I can't leave now and be secretly hoping something will change his mind. I shouldn't even be feeling like this - he cheated on me. I should be kicking him in the balls and walking away from him, not the other way round."

"I don't think anyone could have predicted any of this," Louis said. "I mean, we thought it odd that he was going all that way just for a night out, but when we heard what had happened none of us could believe it."

"Try being me," I muttered.

"He was distraught, you know," Louis said, sitting down on one of the chairs and resting his foot on his knee. "He was literally sobbing down the phone. I've never known him to be that upset before over anything. Not even when Nadine dumped him."

"Nadine dumped Harry?" I asked.

"Yeah." Louis looked at me. "Don't you two talk?" His face twisted into a smirk and he looked away. I didn't need to be a genius to know his dirty mind had gone into overdrive.

"Well yeah, but that's never come up."

I wasn't sure what to make of this latest revelation. Had I already known this? In my mental haze everything seemed blurry. It didn't really matter anyway.

"He was gutted," Louis continued. "He thought he loved her, but I don't think she felt the same."

"Seems to be a repeating pattern for Harry," I remarked. "I don't know how you can think you're in love with someone and then decide you got it wrong."

"Harry's deep," Louis said. "He overthinks things. But he was never as crazy about Nadine as he is about you."

"He's not anything about me," I sighed, getting to my feet and picking up my bag. "I need to get that into my head."