A C T O R S || OS

131. Johnny Depp | Keep On Hurting Me

By : johnnydamn | Tumblr

Everyone knew how you felt about him. You would drop anything and everything for Johnny, just to see that smile on his face. Everyone knew how you were head over heels for him; However, he was the only one who seemed completely oblivious to it.

You had pondered days and nights, of how to tell him, when to tell him. If you told him in person and he refused, you would break. You couldn't do that right infront of him, it would make him feel bad. Guilty, even, for making you cry. You couldn't force him into something he didn't want.

So you called him one night and decided to tell him over the phone. And he said he wasn't ready for a relationship, and that he was sorry.

After that, you two had still remained friends, but what completely destroyed you was that, not even a month later, he was seen kissing another woman. Apparently they had started going out just two weeks after you told him how you felt.

He could've said no. But you knew what Johnny was like, he was a kind soul, you knew his intentions were never to hurt you. So you just acted like everything was okay, and he didn't even bother to check up on you.

As the weeks went by, Johnny kept on drifting further and further away from you. Events would be missed, and plans would be cancelled last minute.

On days he stood you up, you would come home blackout drunk, as you had nothing else to do, sometimes with some man from the bar to make you feel wanted, even if it was just for a few hours.

You had stopped trying with Johnny, you knew there was no point, he wouldn't show up anyways. And soon enough, whenever your schedule was clear, you would drink, to numb the pain, to feel happy.

You woke up with a pounding headache, and the ringing of your phone certainly wasn't helping. You went to go grab your phone and mumbled a "hello?"

"(y/n)! god, we haven't spoken in ages, I was wondering if you wanted to do something today, my schedule is basically empty for like the next week, we can do whatever you want."

Johnny broke things off with Sophia, what he had thought was love turned out to be lust for the woman. But love, his true love, he believed to be you. He was just so blinded by the beauty that he had missed the angel that was right infront of him. Who he had pushed aside when she told him what she felt for him.

It had dawned on him just now how much he had neglected you. And he realised how much of an effort you had made just to see him, no matter how many times he stood you up.

You had always sounded so happy, when he said he would be there, he could practically imagine the bright smile on your face. And, he didn't need to be standing right infront of you to know how hurt you were when he said he couldn't make it. He knew without a doubt that you knew he always left you to spend time with her.

You let out a sigh as you stretched and said "I'm sorry, John, I've been so behind on work recently, I don't think I can. maybe another time."

"oh. well maybe I could come over, keep you company whilst you work, like I used to."

"no Johnny, I really need to finish this chapter. we'll do something next time, I promise, just me and you, yeah?"

"okay. just, call me when you're free, alright?"

That call never came, he thought that maybe you had spent all day writing, you did often loose track of time, and probably knocked out.

But that wasn't the case at all, you couldn't even form a sentence, your writing had no flow and everything was just wrong. You had gotten so frustrated to the point that you got up, grabbed your jacket and took yet another trip to the bar.

-----

As days went on, you and Johnny had switched roles, with him trying to spend just a little bit of time with you, and you avoiding him.

You didn't know you were avoiding him, and you didn't mean to, it was just that you couldn't bare to look at him knowing he wasn't yours.

You practically dragged yourself out of bed and shivered as the cold air touched your legs. You picked up your clothes off the floor in a tired state, put them in the laundry basket and took a quick shower. When you came out the bathroom, with some confortable pyjamas on, the man whose name you couldn't remember was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling his top on. Before he left, you told him to grab a snack from the kitchen, in case he was hungry.

Once he was gone, you had gotten back under the warm covers and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Meanwhile, Johnny was making his way to your house, itching to see you. But oh when he pulled into your driveway he was in for a surprise.

He stepped out of his car and heard a, "oh shit man, I-I'm so sorry. I had no idea that she was with someone, I swear."

When you said you couldn't hang out with him, he had a feeling that he knew exactly what you were doing. He didn't want to believe it. Thought it was something his mind had cooked up for him. But seeing this now, and looking back, he realised that maybe it was the truth.

One night, he called you, he had been busy for the past few days, and hadn't gotten the chance to speak to you. When you two spoke, your answers were short, but slurred; you were clearly drunk. You had rushed to finish the conversation with him. He knew that someone was there, they were mumbling in the background, he assumed that they were asking you questions.

"i-if I had known, I wouldn't have done anything-" He was clearly frightened, he might have just fucked up someone's relationship.

"I'm not her boyfriend. She doesn't have one." He gave him a pat on the back, and walked off.

You opened the door, wearing some red flannel pyjama pants, with a baggy white t-shirt and a light grey nightgown on top; you squinted up at him through your glasses, trying to get a good look at his face, "johnny?" you said in a haze.

He gave you a sad smile, "hi (y/n)"

He followed you inside, "why are you here so early?" you asked as you rubbed your eyes.

"it's one in the afternoon, love."

"oh... can we spend the day inside then? I'm not in the mood to go out today. I'll just go get some snacks, and you find a movie we can watch."

"whatever you want, sweetheart" He said, pressing his lips to your forehead.

You sat on the couch, with your head resting against his chest, he didn't pay much attention to the tv. Instead, he was staring at you, he didn't understand how he managed to hurt someone so pure.

He deserved it, he thought. He deserved to go through the same pain as you did. He wanted to be broken, the same way you were.

"is everything okay?" You looked up at him, eyes filled with concern.

His arms tightened around you, "I'm fine."

You didn't believe it for a second, but you didn't want to push him on the matter, so you just nodded and looked back at the screen.

He wanted you to hurt him. He wanted you to break him.

Then, he wanted you to save him.