A C T O R S || OS

136. Jensen Ackles | Can't Say Goodbye

By : angelkurenai | Tumblr

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word count: 3,021

Warnings: Supernatural ending

Request: Can you do one with jensen x reader where spn is over and they are all crying and it's sad and sappy. You can chose if he and the reader are dating or not. Thanks a million! Awesome blog btw!! x

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"Saving people" Sam said with a smile, looking at Dean driving.

"Hunting things" Dean said smiling and looking at you through the rare view mirror.

"The family business" you said with a big smile looking at Dean and Sam.

And the car drove away on the endless road.

"CUT!" Robert's voice was heard.

The smiles vanished and you all exited the, now motionless, car. The car you were going to miss seeing, more than anything.

Why?

Simply because... Supernatural was over.

You couldn't believe it yourself either, but there it was. The End. The end of it all. The end of Supernatural.

You looked up from the closed door to meet the glistening eyes of your co-star and the person you would miss more than anything else. Jensen.

You smiled at him, though the smile was soon broken by a sob escaping your throat. Tears started rolling down your cheeks, soft sobs escaping your throat but the smile never leaving.

"This is it, uh?" you said through tears and Jared that was next to you nodded with a small smile, tears rolling down his own cheeks.

"The ride is over" he mumbled and looked down at the car.

"It was a hell of a ride, though" Jensen said with a broken smile.

You looked up at him and bit your lip, trying to keep more tears from rolling down.

"Hell of a ride indeed" you mumbled, nodding slowly.

"Damn" he groaned shaking his head and looking down.

"Come here" Jared muttered and before you could react, he enveloped you in his arms.

He wrapped his arms tightly around you and you buried your face in his big chest, sobs escaping your throat no matter how much you tried to keep them. Jared's shoulders shook, meaning that he was crying too. Sobs and sniffles could be heard from all around. Some 'goodbye's even, as the crew was packing up the set.

"I will miss you Moose" you mumbled after pulling away, looking up at him.

"Will miss you too (Nickname). You better call and come over with every chance you get or else I'm gonna send some monster to hunt your ass down and bring you to me" he said threateningly and you giggled slightly.

"You're so much of a Winchester" you said with a laugh, shaking your head.

"I'm not the only one" he said with a chuckled and wiped away a few tears "Ok no chick-flick moments" he mumbled.

"That's my line you know" a voice said behind you and you turned to look up at the green eyes of your favorite hunter. Ex hunter anyway. You hadn't realized when Jensen had come behind you but you suddenly did not care. He was next to you. Little space separating you. And you found yourself immediately braking free from Jared's hold and turned to crash into the arms of Jensen.

He wrapped his arms tightly around you. Bringing you as close as possible. Hugging you tightly, even more than Jared. More than anyone before. Wishing that somehow you wouldn't have to say goodbye. You wouldn't have to leave. He wouldn't have to leave.

After 13 years of working together it was impossible for any of you to think that Supernatural was going to end. That all of this was actually going to end. You didn't want to think of it either. You never wanted it to be over. The fans didn't either. But here you were. Bidding goodbye to the people you've been working with for so many years and the people you were not going to see again. Well, maybe you were going to see some of them but surely were not going to see the person you wanted to keep in your life more than anything. You surely were not going to see Jensen again and that crushed you.

You buried your head further in his broad chest, breathing in his scent, wanting to savior every little detail about him as possible. He hugged you more tightly, burying his face in your hair. He kissed your head and rested his chin on your head. He opened his eyes to look at Jared. He had his lips pursed. He did not say anything but Jensen could clearly see what Jared was trying to tell him with his eyes.

'Tell her' it was as if he could hear Jared actually say it. Maybe because he had heard him say it more than plenty of times.

And Jensen once again shook his head a 'no'.

Jared rolled his eyes and run a hand down his face "You're going to regret this" he mumbled and walked away from both of you.

You pulled away, sniffling and brushing away your tears.

"Sorry, ruined the shirt" you mumbled and he shook his head chuckling.

"Don't think Dean will actually mind" he mumbled and locked gazes with yours. He cupped your cheek and wiped out a stray tear.

You stayed like that for a while but you soon broke your trance. You cleared your throat and looked away.

"I'll better go find Misha. Bid him goodbye or else I'm never going to hear the end of it" you said with a chuckle. It was fake though. Obviously.

"Yeah, of course" he replied in a rough voice.

You hesitated but slowly broke away from his embrance. Reluctantly you pulled your arms away from him and slowly took a few steps back. You did't want to do this. You didn't want to be away from him. You didn't want to break from his embrance. You already missed his warmth. But you had to. You had to turn around and walk away from him. No matter how much it broke your heart, you had to.

And you did.

~~~

It took about two and a half hours for the crew to gather the whole set and for most of the actors to gather their things. You had bid your goodbyes, made lots of promises to keep in touch with everyone and were now in your own trailer.

You had gathered most of your belongings. Just a few things left out of boxes.

You were in your bedroom taking the few left things that were there. Just as you were gathering some left out clothes that you had thrown here and there, your eyes fell upon a few framed pictures on your nightstand. One in particular catching your eye.

It was one of you and Jensen. You remember clearly taking that photo. It was the first day of shooting season 2 and you were never going to forget the happiness you felt at seeing them, especially Jensen, after the first season's finale. All of those feelings your felt at seeing them after not being with them for that long.

You laughed bitterly at the mere thought. Then you thought that that was long, now that Supernatural was actually over and you most probably were not going to see any of the people you worked with, you could not imagine how you would actually feel without them in your life. Without actually seeing them.

Realization down on you. Hard.

Supernatural was over for good. You were leaving and not coming back. You were not going to come here ever again. You were not going to come here in the middle of night to shoot some sort of scene. Hell you were not going to come here to do anything at all. No more shooting. No more Supernatural scripts. No more practicing your lines with Jensen or Jared and Misha, whenever they had time. No more laughing at Jensen's childish behavior when you tried to learn your lines. No more having fun with him when you worked. No more him trying to cheer you up when you felt down. No more movie nights with him, Jared and Misha. No more you having to stifle your giggles while having the camera and Jensen and Jared were trying to pull a prank on somebody. No more funny tweets with Misha. No more funny photos with him and Jensen. No more teasing Jensen for making mistakes on twitter. No more fighting over who loves pie more. You or Dean. No more fighting over who gets the last pancake in the mornings. No more Saturday nights spent on you and the boys having a meal either at your place or at one of theirs. No more Christmas with Jensen, trying to cheer him up for not having anyone to spend it with. Though that was probably a lie because every year his family invited him to visit them but he refused. He just wanted to be childish. No more hugs from him. No more smiles from him. No more laughter from him. No more Jensen pranks. No more Jensen jokes. No more Jensen's green eyes. No more Jensen tickling fights. No more Jensen soft gazes. No more Jensen singing to you. No more Jensen playing you your favorite songs. No more Jensen memories...

... No more Jensen.

Realization hit you like a ton of bricks.

You were never going to see Jensen again. He was going to move out from Vancouver to New York. He was going to star in some movie there and after that he would stay there permanently. And you were going to stay behind. Here in Vancouver. Away from him. Never going to see him again.

And you hadn't even told him how you felt.

Before you could realize it, your knees had given away and you were now on the floor. Tears streaming down your face. You gritted your teeth, trying to keep more from rolling but in vain.

"Hey (Y/n), I didn't want to disturb but I found this book that you had forgotten the other time and I uh..." Jensen's voice could be heard coming closer "(Y/n)?" he asked.

You turned your head to look behind you. He was standing at the door, holding your book in his hands, staring at you with somewhat red eyes. Probably from crying.

"Hey Jens" you whispered weakly. A broken smile on your face.

"What happened?" he asked, immediately coming by your side.

You brushed him off as he tried to help you up "Everything's fine, don't worry" you said, getting up.

You furiously wiped out your tears and smiled up at him. A smile than definitely looked fake.
"(Y/n)..." he started and trailed off.

"Everything's fine Jensen, really" you pursed your lips "I just- I was looking through our photos and-" you stopped mid-sentence.

Your lips trembling and the tears threatening to spill again.

Jensen took in a shaky breath "(Y/n)..." he said in shaky, low and broken voice. It was obvious that he was about to cry.

You looked down at the picture in your hands.

"Please-" he tried to speak but you cut him off.

"I can't do this Jensen" you said, a sob escaping your throat.

You looked up at him, your lips trembling and tears having welled up in your eyes.

"I can't" you whispered and Jensen no longer found the strength to keep his tears in.

"I can't do this Jensen. I don't have the strength. Call me weak but I-"

"You're not weak (Y/n)" he spoke, cupping your cheek; rubbing it with his thumb.

"But I can't say goodbye, Jensen. I can't" you added as if you didn't hear him and broke out in tears, sobs shaking your whole body.

You crashed into his chest, burying your face there. The picture fell from your hands and you wrapped them firmly around him. Him doing the same. You clenched his jacket tightly into your fists, so tightly that you were sure your knuckles were white. Jensen held you tightly, his whole body shaking in sobs. He was crying too.

You both stood like that for a while. Crying your eyes out. Sobs shaking both your bodies. Jensen bringing you as closely to him as possible. You clung to him like you clung to dear life. Hugging like there was no tomorrow. Because for the two of you there actually was no tomorrow.

You both pulled away and stared into each others tear-shot eyes. Although they were red and puffed from crying they were still the most beautiful eyes you had seen in your entire life.

"I can't say goodbye Jens. I can't." you cried and he sniffed, biting his lip to keep more tears from rolling.

"I don't want to" you chocked on your tears "I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye to Supernatural. I don't want to set goodbye to the set, to shooting. I don't want to say goodbye to my trailer. I don't want to say goodbye to coming here and seeing everyone. I don't want to say goodbye to my home, Jensen, and I don't want to say goodbye to my family. I can't, Jensen. I can't... I can't say goodbye to hunting. Damn, I don't want to! I don't want to say goodbye to the endless hours on road, hunting down monsters' asses and saving people. Eating junk food and sleeping on crappy motel rooms. Listening to you two argue like a married couple. Explaining Castiel what each reference means so that he can understand it. I don't want to say goodbye to all of these, Jensen. Damn, even if none of them is real I-" you chocked on your tears "-I can't say goodbye, Jensen. I can't say goodbye to everyone in the crew, to Jared, Misha... you. I can't say goodbye to you Jensen. I can't say goodbye to my green-eyed, pie-loving, Impala and classic rock loving, hunter. To my hero. I can't..." you shook your head, looking down.

Jensen did not say anything, just stared at you. Tears streaming down his face. And he didn't bother stopping them.

You hiccuped a few times and after taking in a shaky breath you started pulling your arms away from him. Biting your lip. Never once looking up.

Just as you were about to pull away from him completely, he stopped you. He tightened his grip on your waist and pulled you close to him, your bodies almost flashed. You looked up at him, eyes almost wide, glistening from the tears.

"Then don't" he stated firmly. You could feel his heart beating rapidly against his chest.

"What?" you whispered, frowning slightly.

He pursed his lips for a while, hesitating. He opened his mouth, ready to speak, but then immediately closed it. Before you could question his behavior, he closed the remaining distance between you. Crashing his lips to yours. Your eyes widened in shock but you did not hesitate to respond. The need to feel him close to you for a little bit longer and not have to actually say goodbye, making you kiss him more feaverly.

The kiss was sweet but at the same time sloppy and desperate. Maybe not so romantic, but who had the time for romance right now?

You cupped his face, bringing him as close as possible. He put a hand on the back of your neck, doing the same.

Your lungs protested for air but you ignored them. You ignored the need for life because you knew that if you pulled away then that's when your life would be sucked away from you.

You kissed him with all your passion and love, running your fingers though the hair on the back of his head, as he entangled his finger in yours.

Soon, though, the need for air made both of you pull away. You were a hot mess, that was for sure. Your whole face was heated up and you were more than sure that you were blushing furiously. Even your ears felt hot. Your lips slightly swollen from the kiss and your hair slightly messy from him running his fingers in them.

You were panting, trying to get as much air as possible into your lungs. Him doing the same.

You looked into each other's eyes intensely. He ran his thumb over your lower lip and you averted your eyes from his green orbs to his lips, then back up. His eyes roaming your face.

"What- what was that for?" you whispered in disbelief, once realization down on you. You had just kissed.

"I-" he struggled to form words "Jared will probably kill me for actually saying this without him being here but-" he took in a deep breath, cupping your face with both hands "-Damn, I can't do this either. I thought that I would manage to actually do this but I can't. I can't say goodbye, (Y/n). I can't say goodbye to you. Above everything and everyone I can't leave you. After all these years I-" he chuckled dryly "I can't live without you (Y/n)."

"Jensen what are you-" you started saying and he cut you off.

"Come with me" he whispered and you frowned more "Come with me in New York. We can live together there and maybe you could get a part in the same movie. I'm sure they would want you to be in it." he said with a sincere smile.

"Come with you? As what Jensen?" you asked in a low voice.

"My girlfriend, if you want to." he whispered and your eyes all but widened.

"Your what?!" you almost shouted.

He chuckled softly "My girlfriend. I would have asked you out on a date first but we really don't have time for that. Besides, we've been on many dates if you think of it. Movie nights, dinners, walks to the beach and everything. Without even realizing that they were actually dates" he said with a smile.

Silence followed for a while. Both of you staring into each other's eyes. Dean looking at you in an expecting way.

Soon the silence was broken.

You chuckled, shaking your head. Resting your forehead against his you spoke "You're so damn lucky I can't say goodbye" you mumbled he smiled as both of you closed the distance between you.

Supernatural may have just ended but your life with Jensen had just begun.