Waking up with Lisa's arm flung across my chest and her right leg over my hip, feels so familiar to me now. Even though we haven't had sex, we are just as intimate as any couple that does. The intimacy we share is strong and true, even though we still haven't crossed that line. Sex doesn't define what Lisa and I have. What we have is something worth so much more than just that. Our connection is so deep and honestly raw, it doesn't need to be cemented by the final act of sex. I can leave this place tomorrow, knowing that I have been touched by a faultless person who respected me enough to not fuck me.
There is that damn word again, leave. How I hate that fucking word. I stretch out trying to shake off the nauseous dread that has also woken up with me. My heart beats sluggishly within my weighted chest, while my mind wishes it could avoid what is to come.
Our last day together has indeed arrived. My emotions are all over the place. Inside, I am trying to hold it altogether. I cannot allow myself to fall apart on our last day. Lisa has special plans for us. I have to keep a tight lid on things. I simply have to suppress everything I feel. Not only for my sake but for Lisa's as well.
This past week really has been wonderful. I literally have had the best time of my entire life. Sharing it all with the most special and enigmatic person I have ever met; who just so happens to be sweetly lying across me now. I lie here, just soaking up this moment. My mind is storing every single curve and contour of Lisa's beautiful face. I place it somewhere I shall never forget . . . forever a beautiful memory.
When I feel a choking lump forming low in my throat. I know I must do something before all hell breaks loose within me. I slide across the bed, trying to quietly slip into the bathroom.
"Are you okay?" Lisa groggily asks.
I look across at her gorgeous sleepy face. "Yes . . . I'm fine," I quickly respond, pulling my dressing gown up over my shoulders.
She turns onto her side, placing her hands underneath the pillow that she's cuddling. "Don't lie to me, Jennie."
My downward gaze doesn't hide my hurt while I'm tying up my dressing gown. "I'm sorry. I can't help but feel sad today," I explain in a weak voice, forcing myself to look across at her.
Lisa gives me a long pained look in return. "I know. I feel the same, but we have to make the most of today."
I force a smile. "I know," replying more cheerfully.
Lisa stares at me with a mixture of sympathy and affection. How can I feel so sad when I have those soulful eyes looking back at me in that way? I give myself a good internal dressing down. No feeling sorry for yourself today, Jennie Kim! Go and have some bloody fun!
I lightly pad across the cabin floor, sitting beside Lisa on the bed. "Anyway, I can't be a miserable cow. I have your surprise to look forward to, don't I?" I kiss her naked shoulder, breathing her in.
Lisa grins. "Yes, you do."
I run my fingers through her tousled light brown hair, bending down to kiss her parted mouth. "I'm going to make a start on my packing, then I'm all yours."
She kisses me hard, tugging gently on my bottom lip as our mouths part. "Lucky me," she says in a raspy, just woken up voice, with a glorious lop-sided grin.
I open the wardrobe door, lifting out my suitcase. "What are we doing this morning?" I ask, needing to occupy my thoughts whilst I'm in the act of my dreaded packing.
Lisa sits up, rubbing her still sleepy eyes. "I'm taking some new guests on a ride this morning, so you can either come or finish your packing."
I know I should be packing but I want to enjoy my last ride with Lisa. "I think I will do a little bit now. Then I will join you for a ride. I can get some more done before we go out later," I tell her, hastily throwing clothes and shoes into my suitcase.
"Are you taking a shower first?" Lisa asks.
I shake my head. "You can have one first . . . you need to show your face in the stables."
Crossing her hands behind her head, she smirks. "You're a big distraction from my work."
"Not for much longer, I won't be." Although I say it in jest, the pain hits me hard in the chest. My stomach tightens into a tormented twisted knot. I quickly need to turn away. Absentmindedly folding the first piece of clothing I can find, anything to stop myself from crying. Lisa's arms are soon lovingly wrapped around me, rocking me with her chest against my back, soothing me with kisses to my cheek.
"Shhh . . . It's going to be okay, Jennie." She hushes me like an inconsolable child, swaddling me in her strong and secure arms.
I bring my arms up to embrace her. "I'll be fine. Go and have that shower," I reassure her, tilting my head back onto her shoulder. Lisa tenderly kisses my neck before reluctantly going into the bathroom. Once she's out of sight, I bring my fingers up to where her lips last were, resting them on the invisible imprint of her cherishing mouth.
