Lisa tries to console me, but it's too late. "Please don't cry, Beautiful. This is NOT a good-bye." She hijacks my face, seizing it with both her hands. Our lips lock together in a salty tear-stained kiss, a messy, soul shaking kiss.
My mouth doesn't want to leave hers but knows it must. Slowly pulling back, we stay holding onto each other's faces, reluctant to let go. "I love you, Lisa," I whisper against her beautiful lips.
"And I love you." she kisses me again, this time it is slow . . . tempered with hope.
I open my sore eyes to see Lisa looking down at me with an opposing smile. I know she's trying to be strong for the both of us. I love her so much more for that. Her nose slightly wrinkles with a forced and loving smile. "Now go!" she says lightly, patting my ass.
I take the heart-breaking walk to the car. Looking back over my shoulder at Lisa who continues to bravely smile.
"Come on, young'un." Jung-jae warmly greets me, wrapping his sympathetic arm around my shoulder. He helps my dazed body into the passenger seat. He's so kind and gentle, treating me like I am made of the finest bone china . . . unaware that I'm already broken.
When the engine starts, my heart sinks. When we start moving, it sinks even lower. The guttural pain inside of me is vengeful. It devours me then spits me right fucking back out. I can't bear it any longer. My strangled sobs fill the car. Jung-jae reaches over, his aged hand zealously rubbing mine. His sweet attempts to comfort me are futile. I'm unfixable.
I look in the side mirror and see the devastating sight of Lisa, being comforted by her mum. Her head is bowed low, looking completely abandoned. This is a new level of hurt. I'm being pulled in places that I never knew existed.
The further away we drive from Manoban Ranch, the more it kills me. I am living whilst dying. I breathe, but no air seems to be reaching my lungs. With each passing second, the more hopelessly empty I feel. It's an emptiness so strong that I know that if I don't fill it . . . I will just cease to be.
I am being driven away from the one person that I love more than anything else in this world. She has showed me nothing but happiness, yet here I am . . . moving further away from it. It's the very happiness that I've been searching for. It found me. She found me. Only, I'm leaving it behind.
"Stop the car, Jung-jae." The words leave my mouth before my brain even has time to catch up.
"What?"
With pure frustration, elation, fear, and hope. I shout. "PLEASE, STOP THE CAR!"
Jung-jae grips my hand tight. "Are you sure, Jennie?" He looks at me with a mixture of anxiety, worry, and unease. They all sweep across his caring, rugged face.
I look at him with extreme determination in my crystal clear blue eyes. "I've never been more sure about anything in my whole life."
Jung-jae laughs, slamming his foot down hard on the brakes. "That is music to this old man's ears."
As soon as the car comes to an abrupt halt, I jump out as quickly as I can. I don't even hang around to close the door. All I am thinking is, I need to get back to Lisa.
"Run, Jennie! Run! She's waiting for you!" I can hear Jung-jae shouting behind me.
My legs run with my galloping heart. I'm not thinking about anything that I may be leaving behind in Seoul. I only know what I would be leaving behind here. My legs just keep on running as fast as they can. I don't feel tired or breathless. My pumping adrenaline pushes me ever closer towards my destiny.
I keep running, one fast foot in front of another.
The relief that washes over me, as soon as I run into the long gravelled drive of Manoban Ranch, only confirms to me that I'm doing the right thing. I feel like I am already home. This is where I truly belong.
