I go through the motions. Chatting like there's nothing wrong. Mounting my horse and laughing in all of the right places, but as hard as I try to pretend everything is okay, the more I know it's not.
I'm so angry with myself for allowing Lisa to get under my skin, to have allowed her in at all. What the hell was I thinking?
I didn't come here for some meaningless holiday romance. I'm here to find myself again...not to find a painful and complicated us!
This is when the penny finally drops. That is exactly what Lisa was trying to tell me last night. She's not the kind of person who just wants two weeks of fucking and fun. She needs much more than that. She respects me enough, to try to persuade me to want the exact same thing. She knows how I struggle back home. How this holiday is supposed to be a time for me to reflect and evaluate my life. Getting involved with her will just make things more complicated and messier. Getting attached can only mean more pain and hurt to take back with me to Seoul. She didn't want to reject me...she was only trying to do the right thing.
"Hey Jennie." Jung-jae is causally walking towards me.
"Morning, Jung-jae." I say with a slight smile.
Holding my horse's head, he looks at me with concerned in his eyes. "You look tired, little lady."
"Do I?" I try to widen my eyes, to make them look less exhausted than they really are.
Jung-jae continues to look at me with a wavering smile. "You need some rest, miss."
"Do I really look that bad?" I ask with a hint of humor.
Jung-jae smiles wryly. "After riding, maybe you should grab a nap before shooting?" His tone is more of an order than a request, but gently done. His greying eyebrows lift with his lined and crooked grin. "Otherwise, you might end up shooting one of the other guests in the butt." he adds with an amused snort, zealously patting my horse's mane. I throw my head back and laugh. The first laugh of the day has kindly been given to me by the dear old boy, who I've quickly become attached to.
"I'm loving just how much confidence you have in my shooting skills, Jung-jae."
His amused expression quickly changes. "All jokes aside, Jennie, you're about to go out for a three-hour ride. That's going to tucker you out." he explains.
I look down at Jung-jae with a warm smile. "Do you worry about all your guests this way?" I ask.
"Only the ones that I like, ma'am." Jung-jae gives me a sly little wink.
I lean down, reaching for his shoulder. "Thank you, Jung-jae. I really needed that."
He politely lifts his Stetson from his perspiring head, bringing it to his chest with a courteous gesture. "My pleasure, little lady. Now let's get you ready. Mino will be ready to take you all out, today."
"Mino?" I ask, the pitch of my voice slightly higher than usual. I bet it's the same Mino that threw me over his shoulder the other night. Lisa certainly knew him when she politely asked that Mino put me down. I continue to wonder until Jung-jae interrupt my thoughts.
"He's an experienced trail guide, you've got no worries." I nod agreeably at Jung-jae. I wish I could tell him just how acquainted I really am with Mino. I'm fully aware of just how safe his hands are, after having them all over my ass only a couple of days ago.
Jung-jae unties my horse. I take full control of my reins, reining my horse around. "I'll see you later." I wave to him. "I promise to get some shut eye before I go shooting." I add in a louder voice.
"Make sure you do, little lady." Jung-jae yells, waving behind me.
I ride towards Rosé, feeling a lot better in myself. She's chatting to some of the other guests, but as soon as she sees me, her face lights up. She seems pleased that I'm looking happier. I can hardly blame her. Who wants to ride with someone who has a face like a slapped ass?
"Are you going to join in with the cattle drive tomorrow?" I ask chirpily.
Rosé sits up straight, her eyes alert. "I wouldn't miss it, Jennie. For me, that's exactly what this trip is all about." she says with excitement tingling in her every word. She's another person that I find myself becoming attached to. She's fun, mischievous, kind and sweet. I know I'm going to miss her when she goes.
I look at her with dull eyes. "I can't believe you are leaving this Saturday, Rosé." I say sullenly.
She tilts her head. "I know, but we still have time to get to know each other some more until Saturday comes."
I quietly exhale. "That's true." I reply, trying to put yet another thing that will hurt me into that mental box of mine. It is then, that I see a confident cowboy come riding around the corner. I know his face immediately. He's most definitely, Mino from the pub in town the other night.
He has a huge smile plastered all over his face. "Okay, you crazy folks. Let's ride!" His sense of fun is infectious. There's no denying that he's good looking, but he's almost arrogant about it. I keep my head down and pray that he won't recognize me.
Rosé comes trotting up beside me. "Isn't that the guy who flung you over his shoulder the other night?" she leans forward in her saddle.
"Yes, it is." I say.
"Do you think he will recognise you?" Rosé asks with wide eyes.
I half shrug my shoulders. "God, I hope not!"
"I suppose we'll find out soon." she smiles. Rosé continues to ride beside me for a little while, until she moves up to be with some of the other guests. I'm happy to stay lagging behind. I'm simply enjoying being in the fresh air and back in the saddle, within the bosom of the prairie.
