Double Life

37

Riley

It's been a week since I told James we need to take a break but I'm still picturing the images of James and that girl in my head. Nothing I can do makes it better and nothing I do makes it bearable to be in a room with James.

I still don't know the girls name or face but I suppose that's for the best, I'd rather not compare myself to someone who was hidden.

I can't even bring myself to look at him let alone pretend this doesn't hurt me. In my head I already know what to do but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Today is the first day I've gone to school and to be honest I should of stayed at home, I've been able to focus more when I'm by myself. By second period I had grown extremely tired from all the stares so I decide to just head home.

My Dad is home today just incase I needed to come back and when I walk through the door he says "How was it?" "Can I try again next week please? I'm fed up of being looked at like I've somehow grown three heads" I confess making my Dad nod in agreement.

I asked James to meet me later this evening so we can finally have a talk which he agreed to do. It's just what to do to waste time before James does get here. I try my hardest to carry on with my school work at home but my mind is else where.

I try and find some films to watch to waste time but once again I can't concentrate on the films in front of me, instead the thoughts in my head are so loud I can't even hear the tv anymore. I check the time and I've got half an hour before James will finish school and head towards me so I decide to make myself look somewhat presentable.

The time between when I checked my phone and when I heard a knock at the door only felt like 5 minutes had passed. I open the door to see a timid James waiting to for me to let him in.

"Hey Ri" James softly says trying to give me a hug but I push him away whilst looking at the ground "I've figured out what needs to happen James" I explain taking a seat on the edge of my bed "I can't get over this-" I continue before James cuts me off "Please Riley I can't lose you" he begs

"No James this needs to happen, we can't be together" I confess "If I truly meant that much to you then you wouldn't of gone off with that girl behind my back" I speak making eye contact with James and seeing tears fall down his red cheeks hurt me but what he did to me was a lot worse.

The only reason why he's here begging I take him back is because I found out not because he felt bad and told me himself.

The longer the conversation goes on the more hatred I have towards James grows. To be honest I'm not even letting this sorry excuse of a man talk, whatever he says is just lies anywhere and to think I let this man see me at my weakest.

I deserve so much better then James.

I deserve someone who won't cheat on me and someone who knows my worth.

"You need to leave James" I say glaring at him pointing towards the door and as soon as he leaves I delete every picture we had taken together and removed him off all of my social media.