My Neighbor's A Gangster

Chapter 12

     Its been three days since my mom died, and I still haven't left my bed. The tears still come, it still hurts to breath, I can't eat because I feel like I'm going to throw up. I want to get up, and try to move forward but it feels impossible. Loving someone with an addiction is hard, you think they do it because they don't love you or that they actually enjoy the way it changes them. At times you even lose yourself trying to force someone to become a version of what you remembered of them before. But the truth is, they will never be the same again even after they get sober. You can't help somebody that does not want to help themselves, no matter what ultimatum you give it must be their choice. There's always going to be un answered questions, even when they are alive; the biggest one being why? Something I regret now, I wish I would've asked how are you more than why are you doing this. I wish I would've told her I loved her the last time we talked instead of fighting. 

   I started shaking my head trying to stop the guilt I keep inflicting on myself. Its not my fault, but sometimes you just can't stop your head from going there after something like this happens. 

    I rubbed a hand over my face, realizing this is the first time I've woken up and not cried myself back to sleep. Maybe I'm just all out of tears, or finally moving on to the next stage of grief like my old therapist told me about after my dad died. I have to get my shit together and figure out what happened to him, its the least I could do. I can't control or help my moms situation anymore so I need to switch focus. There's a possibility that his accident wasn't really an accident, and he deserves justice. 

   There was a light knock on the door pulling me out of my thoughts, then Kole opened the door slowly giving me a small smile.

   "I brought you some tea, toast and a few grapes." he said as he sat down next to me. I sat up a little bit grabbing the tea and taking a sip. 

   "Thank you" I said resting my back on the headboard. 

   "I have something to tell you, but I'm not saying anything until you eat this" he said scooting the plate closer to me. 

   I scanned his face seeing how serious his demeanor was, whatever he had to say must be important. I grabbed the toast forcing it down, followed by a few grapes then I looked up at him shrugging. "I'll keep eating the grapes while you talk" 

   He gave a small smile in return "Okay so after your mom passed, I asked my dad to try and get a copy of her autopsy report" he started. I felt this stabbing pain in my stomach at his words "he got a call today that someone would send it over to him in a few hours." 

   "Why did you want a copy of the autopsy?" I asked, instead of answering he grabbed a grape holding it up to me. 

   I rolled my eyes and grabbed it throwing in my mouth patiently waiting for him to speak again. 

   "Because I don't think she overdosed at your house, I think someone moved her there while you were asleep" he said gently like he was worried about my reaction. 

   I don't know exactly how I feel about that, I guess it makes sense though. I surprised myself by not feeling sad, instead I was angry. REALLY angry, like this was God's way of lighting the fire under my ass to get up and follow through with what I intended too. 

   "So if its a homicide then what?" I asked him while still trying to put my  thoughts together. 

   "Well then we figure out who, and why you are stuck in the middle of this mess." He said putting his hand on my leg trying to bring some comfort  while we talked about this. "I have my own theories but there is no point in torturing yourself on what it might be until we have answers."