Thoughts I Had Today

Gently holding a lily with torns in my hands.

April, 23, 2022 | 4:16am

I'd like to confess something.
Over a week ago,
I told one of the people
that I care so much about,
what I was going through
for the past few months.

I don't know why I did,
since I wasn't giving it
much thought at the time.
But at the spur of the moment,
my emotions got the best of me.

It was very late, around 3 or 4am.
I was having trouble sleeping per usual
and I asked them
if they could keep me company.

Maybe at the time,
I felt the need to let them
know what was going on.
So I did.

At the back of my mind,
I knew that I would regret it at some point.
And I did.
This person did not take it well,
and I made them very sad.
I felt really bad about that.

I told them it has gotten bad,
to the point that I did things.
Things that aren't healthy.
Things that didn't do me any good.
Things that I'm not proud of.

Even though I regretted
opening up to this person,
deep down I'm glad
that I got to finally tell them.

It was eating me
from the inside
from some time now.
Letting it out eased the pain
for a short moment.

Do I still regret telling the truth?
Yes, I still do.
Would I do it again? Maybe.

I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's hard since I don't want
the people I care about,
get hurt too.
But I'm really trying.