Thoughts I Had Today

I stood alone, feeling out of place.

Sometimes,
When I stop at my tracks
And look at everyone's distancing figures,
I realise that I have no one to call
'home'

They are people whom I've shared
Worries,
Fears,
Doubt,
Happiness
And celebrations with;
But not on a deeper level where
I go to them every time I need company.

For a while,
I thought I did.
But in the end
I have always been alone.

I love them, don't get me wrong,
But they also make me feel lonely.

Sometimes, I also wonder if I really matter;
Or if they really care.
Would they notice if I disappear?
Would they even know I'm gone if I left in the middle of it all?
Would they come looking for me?
Or give up trying and move on with their lives?

I mean, in the end, I am just a nobody.
Just someone that they happened to know and shared a few years of their lives with.
Nothing that special of some sort.
So it's only natural for them to brush me off, right?

This way of thinking...
Maybe I really am destined to be alone in the end.