Thoughts I Had Today

The Desire To Simply Not Exist

I still have doubts
My insecurities never went away
I have doubts of my capabilities and I'm insecure of it

I've always thought that I can never be the best version of myself because that version of me will never exist
I will never achieve it
No matter how hard I try
It will never be enough

All I was ever good at is talk
And never back anything up with proof
My acts of service will never be enough
Because I can never do better
Never

That's just the way I am and it will always be like that
I'm useless
I've always been useless
I was never good at anything
I was never special
I was never the favourite

I would be the last person you'd think of when you say "I'm proud of them"

Because I don't deserve the praise
I don't deserve the rewards
When I've never don't anything to receive them

I don't deserve anything

I don't deserve love
Happiness
Or anything good that will come
Because I don't work hard enough
to deserve them
I'm always lacking
And I will always lack

It will always be like that
And I'm sorry
I'm not good enough because of it