Thoughts I Had Today

(11) I miss you when it rains

Should I have said something on this important day?
Would you have responded?
I wonder if you were expecting me to - if you wanted me to.

I am a cowardly man
A man that can't take a step forward because he's too afraid of what your reaction would be.
I continue to only dread for the worst possible scenarios and can't think of any that's the latter.

I missed you.
I missed you every passing day and every air that I take.
I wonder... if you missed me too.

Is it over now?
Are we over?
Or is it just my anxiety talking.
I don't know how to approach this - how to fix it, if you're not giving me any signs.

I can't go in blindly if I don't know what you want. I'm scared to make a mistake.
I'm scared of you.

Would you still want me?
Want me back?
Want what we were before it happened - before we drifted; back when everything was fine.

Because I know I do.

But what I want doesn't matter. It's you.
You matter.
You mattered since the very beginning of time.

Where do you want to go? And will I be there with you?
What do you want to do? And will I be doing them with you?

When you close your eyes and think of the future, am I still there? Standing beside you?

Am still allowed to love you?