Thoughts I Had Today

Where does the thread end?

Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be an end to this - other times, I simply forget about it's existence for a moment and carry my day on, as if it had never affected me.

Days such as this one, where my head wonders too far inside my head and remembers it once again; will always leave me pondering.

Where does the thread end?
Or will it continue to tie itself a knot until someone in this family cuts it?

Will they even acknowledge the pain each generation went through and heal themselves?
To understand their own actions? The pain they've also caused within themselves and everybody else?
To understand their young?

To take responsibility and own up to their actions.

I wonder if a day will come, where I have no choice but to remove them out of my life in order to find peace. To peacefully pick up pieces of myself that they shattered in pieces.

To glue back the fucked up childhood they ruined.

Sometimes, I also wonder if I'll ever get away from it - if I'll also end up the same route as they did, and repeat the cycle. God I hope to fuck not.

I know how it felt and it was miserable, but their habits have rubbed off on me that it will takes years to completely clean off - like an annoying piece of gum that's stuck under your shoe.

Healing is a long. Painful. Process.

Sometimes I wish it was easier said than done but unfortunately that's not the reality we live in.
All I can ever do at the present moment is live, but even living is hard.

Breathing is hard.
Eating is hard.
Staying happy is hard when you think you don't deserve it.
Loving is so. Fucking. Hard.
Everything is scary.

What more can I do other than to hope for the best? To try my best?
But will trying your best even be enough to put an end to it?
I hope so...

So, I continued to wonder, "where does the thread end?"