Thoughts I Had Today

Dissociating from ones emotions.

May, 10, 2022 | 3:29am

Have you ever felt like,
no matter what they say
to make you feel better
just doesn't work anymore?

Like you don't get
the same sparks that you used to.

The feeling like you
can do anything or everything
you thought you could never do,
after some words of encouragement,
just doesn't effect you anymore.

I feel bad...
because they're trying
their best to help me
and all I can say is
"yeah, you're right"
to make them feel better.

To not disregard
their efforts to help me,
when in reality the only
person that can do that.
Is me.

I tell them things that
they want to hear
so they won't feel discouraged
or... feel bad,
that they couldn't help.

Because I've also been there.

The feeling like you're useless
and you wish that you
could just fix the problem for them.

When you know
deep down, you can't.
You can't do anything else
other than to be there for them,
reassure them that they can
always have you to rely on.

Wishing that if only
you had the power
to make their pain go away,
or transfer it to yourself.

So they don't have to suffer anymore. If only.

I'm really sorry I lied...
but I really am trying my best.

It's hard,
being nice to yourself and
accepting parts of yourself
that you hate the most.
It's really hard.

But I'm really trying.

And thank you, for trying to help me.
Makes me feel a little better
that I still have people here for me.