I've always wanted you.

Chapter Five

Josie sat on her chair watching as the girl walked away from her. She wanted to feel upset. She wanted to start crying, she needed to feel hurt.

If she didn’t, it just reminded her how bad of a person she was.

She had loved Penelope but, what if she hadn’t? If she hadn’t loved Penelope, she knew she would be with Hope in a heartbeat.

Not just because of what she had recently been feeling, but because those feelings had always been there.

To Josie, hope was ..angelic. She viewed her as something brought to this world by the God’s, so perfect and honest. Josie felt undeserving of Hope, but it didn’t stop Josie from wanting her.

Hope had been lay in her room watching the ceiling and counting each of the scratches upon it. She was depressed. Hopeless. She couldn’t imagine ever living her life the same again.

Each happy memory she once had, had been clouded in darkness. Each act of love, each embrace, each touch - felt pointless. meaningless.

Being alone made hope feel even more empty.

It allowed her thoughts to spiral into an everlasting loop. Hope wanted to tell someone how she felt, she wasn’t necessarily looking for any sort of comfort- just someone to listen.

But she couldn’t. She didn't know why.

It was as if all her feelings had been blocked from ever reaching the surface, like everything she felt she’d pushed down so far, she didn’t know if she even felt anything anymore.

Hope wanted someone to blame for everything, and as of now, the only person she could blame was herself.

Her hatred for herself grew deeper, as if it was the only emotion she could feel.

'Without her they’d be alive' she thought. 'Without her they’d be here right now'. Hope felt her magic growing to a point she couldn’t handle.

Her breathing started getting heavier, faster, as she felt she might lose control once more.

“No no no. Please stop. You can control this. Please,” she whispered to herself as she stood up from her bed.

Her breathing increased so much, she didn’t know how she was still getting enough oxygen. Hope watched as the lights in her room turned on- flickering violently before they smashed above her.

A shard of the glass hit her hand and she winced at the pain closing her eyes tightly.

“Please don’t do this. Please. I can control it. It’s fine. I’m fine,” Hope spoke a bit louder to herself.

When she opened her eyes again fire had illumintated the room, smothering every inch of space around her.

She was scared, but her hatred for herself only allowed the fire to grow bigger, as it now covered her entire dorm.

Josie heard the fire alarm sound for the school and reluctantly packed her bags to leave.

She was certain that the alarm was another of her dad’s pointless drills. Her guess was proved to be wrong when she opened the door from the library and could hear hundreds of students panicking, as they ran from the building.

Josie watched in shock from the door at a loss of what to do.

Penelope ran past at the end of the crowd, and saw Jo in the doorway. Josie felt her waist being grabbed by her as she was led out of the building.

It hadn’t really hit Josie what had just happened until she reached the cool breeze outside.

“are you okay Jo,” Penelope asked worried, as she tilted Jo’s head to face her.