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152. BTOB Minhyuk - Stupid Coward

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"Minhyuk~" I called him in a sing-song voice as I tried to catch up with him. He was a few paces ahead of me on the road to school. He had his basketball tucked under his arm as he talked with one of his teammates. At the sound of his name, he turned his head to look back at me.

I thought he was going to stop but all he did was smile and wave with his free hand before continuing to walk with his teammates.

A bitter smile formed on my lips as another attempt of mine failed. This wasn't us before and the memory of our past made the present painful.

When we were younger, Minhyuk used to get bullied a lot by older boys. They kept on telling him that he was too pretty to be a guy but truth is, they were just jealous because all the girls in the playground wanted to be his friend. When they started bullying him, all those girls stayed away in fear. I stood up for him and told off those bullies. It resulted in me getting pushed down to the ground beside him before they left.

Since then, the pretty boy stuck with me wherever I went. He followed me in the playground. I was surprised that he was in the same school that I attended. It was only then that we became friends. We grew up and I watched how he transformed into someone filled with confidence. His popularity grew but we still stayed as friends.

He treated me differently than his other friends. He made me feel special, probably because I was his best friend. Minhyuk would always choose me over them. It made me feel warm and it made me feel loved. It was no surprise that I started falling for my best friend.

But that was then and this is now.

He barely looks my way anymore. Ever since he got accepted into the basketball team and became the star player, Minhyuk seemed so unreachable to me. Outside of school, we'd talk but when we're at the campus, he pretends like he doesn't know me.

Every day, I keep on trying.

Every day, my heart gets closer to giving up on him.

There's only so much pain that a person can endure. People get tired too. He can't expect me to always chase after him. Especially now that I feel like I don't know him anymore. It really feels like he left me.

I didn't know what to believe anymore—the Minhyuk outside or the Minhyuk inside the campus.

"What are we?" I asked him one weekend when he and I met up at the park in our neighborhood. We were seated on the swings while kids were running around in front of us. It made me think back to the good days.

"Hm? We're friends. Best of friends," he simply answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I heavily sighed. "Yeah?"

"Of course,"

But it didn't feel true at all. "I hardly know you anymore. Are we still best friends then?" I questioned softly. Are you still the Minhyuk I fell for?

"I'm still me. What are you saying?"

I frowned at his cluelessness. "You... You're really impossible. 'You're still you. We're still best friends.' Really? I'm glad you still feel that way when I can't even say I still know who you are. Outside of campus, you're this guy beside me but once we're in school, you act like you have nothing to do with me,"

"It's an image," he was frustrated when he answered. "I'm still me,"

I sadly shook my head. "No... No, you're not," I whispered. ...you're not the same Minhyuk I fell in love with.

I left him there and tried to move on with my school life. Not once did he try to reach out to me. I would watch from afar, thinking and hoping that maybe by some twist of fate, we'd be back to how it was before. Even if we weren't in speaking terms, part of me still loves him.

And part of me still hopes that he feels the same way somehow.

//

"What do you want me to say?" I sighed as I watched his troubled look. He cornered me after our graduation rite was finished. "That I like you back?"

Minhyuk pursed his lips. "I was hoping you would," he sighed. "I know... I've been the biggest jerk to you. After not talking with you since that day, here I am telling you that I've always liked you since we were young,"

"I have a boyfriend. Do I have to remind you that it's one of your teammates?" My heart was breaking. Why now, Minhyuk? Why? I wanted to slap some sense into him. I wanted to cry in front of him but I couldn't.

My heart was heavy.

"Why are you telling me this now?"

The boy in front of me heavily sighed. "I was scared then. No one knew I've had feelings for you since we were young. Even my teammates had no idea. When one of them said that they wanted to make a move on you, I couldn't do anything. I started avoiding you because I didn't want to see him courting you. I busied myself with other girls to make it look like I didn't care. I stayed away because I'm a coward,"

I shook my head at him. "Stupid. You're really, really stupid," I uttered.

It finally made sense why he would only speak with me outside of school. He didn't want to see those moments. Only if he was honest, then maybe things wouldn't be this way.

We stood there, looking at each other, not knowing what else to say. Should I tell him my own feelings or should I leave out that fact because even if I did, there was nothing he and I could do? I've buried those feelings a long time ago.

"Can you just answer this one question," he finally spoke. He sounded so defeated and broken. Minhyuk stared directly into my eyes as he asked, "I never stood a chance, did I?"

I bitterly smiled as my heart broke. "That's the sad part," I honestly replied, pain laced in my voice. "You once did,"