s e o u l | k p o p - o s

8. EXO Kyungsoo - Anxiety

https://yeolsmuffin.tumblr.com/

"You wouldn't let go of him and he wouldn't let you let go."

Genre: Fluff & Angst | bestfriend!kyungsoo, requested. (anixtey trigger warning?)

Pairing: kyungsooXreader

Word Count: 2.4k

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"I don't know what to do with you anymore," he said with a sigh as his eyes closed tightly. "Everything I do makes you cry and nothing I say can make it stop."

You tried to control the cries that riddled your body as you held a hand to your mouth. "What do you mean you don't know what to do?" You cried out at him from where you were curled up in a ball on the couch.

He pointed at you, "Exactly that. I don't know what to do. Your panic attacks just get worse by the day and I can't figure it out."

"You don't try to figure it out," you lashed out as your fingers found their place on your bicep. Your nails curved into the skin without hesitation and you forced them into your skin as harshly as you could. You needed the pain. You needed something to balance out the mess that you were in.

He scoffed. "You run off to him before I even get the chance to try," he accused as his voice raised.

It was this same way every time you fought with your boyfriend of three years. In fact, it was this same way if you fought or if you had a panic attack and normally a panic attack is what caused a fight. You couldn't control what set you off, you never could and that was something you made clear to him before the two of you even started dating. Your boyfriend assured you that he was ready to help you tackle your anxiety and that it was worth it but the further the two of you went into your relationship, the more it seemed like a lie.

Everyone was so afraid of your anxiety and it always made you laugh because while they were afraid of it, they never had to look it in the eyes the way you did. They weren't fighting with it. If they had to deal with the mental battles you did, maybe then would they truly be afraid. They had no idea what true fear was.

You loved your boyfriend. Loved him so much that it hurt but lately, you wondered how much hurt you could take before you were broken even worse. Your childhood ruined you and shaped you into the fearful adult you were but how much further could you get broken?

You just wanted someone to accept you and your anxiety because it wasn't like it was going anywhere anytime soon. There was one person who did accept your anxiety though and that one person was the only one who could pull you from darkness when you couldn't seem to find a light. The one person who-

"What? I mentioned him and now you have nothing to say?" He spat.

You hadn't realized you were hyperventilating until you felt your lungs tighten in your chest. You were ready to spiral. Too far stressed about your boyfriend and the painful memories he had brought up less than thirty minutes ago. He thought talking about your past was some sick was to help you but it never did. If you wanted to talk about it, wouldn't you bring it up?

"You always run off to him before I get the chance to help-"

You cut him off. "Are you kidding me? How long do I stay like this before I go to him for help? How many hours do you want me struggling to breathe before I get some help? I suffer for as long as I can before reaching out to him. All you do is stare at me and ask me why I'm crying. I've told you what I needed before. I've told you how you can help me but you don't care. You think comforting me will enable me to be like this even more."