STRIS Bits

Bullet to the brain (5x20)

Disclaimer: Strong language and scenes! Not appropriate for younger readers. Please be advised!

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The anger I feel burns like hot lava off the top of a volcano! I wanna run and run... press the accelerator harder and harder. I want the strong wind to knock me out...to crash against whatever stood in front of me. The pain is unbearable!

I made a fool of himself. I just can't believe it! After everything! After years of holding back, of waiting for her, of dreams and fantasies, of wishing and hoping for a happy ending...all gone! It all went to hell!

How could she?!? Why?!? It was just a simple question, three letters. Why wouldn't she tell me? It was undeniable! Her eyes, her body, her kisses... all told the same story. Completely opposite of what her mouth told. Leave her alone? How? I've invested more than 5 years into this, I can't just...to hell! To hell everything!

Maybe I should quit too. Everything of SWAT would remind me of her...everything! What am I thinking? This is a disaster! Swat's my life! Her life too! She must be so desperate. But...what is she holding back? What the hell is going on with her? What is so strong and powerful that not even I can beat? Not even her love for me can overcome it. What? What was it?

She was suppressing, for sure. No way I've had the same vibe for years to tell now that she doesn't want me. Oh, no! She wants me for sure. Why else would she approach me twice...yes, two times...to kiss and make out! In areas of plain view! Hold my hands, dis me every time I brought it up, say to my face that she couldn't live without me, that I'm her problem...impossible to deny! No way in hell she doesn't love me.

...and that rule thing? Yeah, that was bogus! Bullsh*t! She digged me for sure and was willing to break any damn rule there was, except for...for what? What was keeping the love of my life away from me? Can't be another guy, right? No way! A girl, maybe? I mean, she does swing both ways. But...nah! Can't be! It's something deeper. Something so deep she's willing to bury her feelings towards me even deeper.

I'll drink the pain away. Alcohol is always a good remedy; goes down hot down the throat, kills neurons to not think at all, and helps you leave this planet. Yeah. I need bottles and bottles. I'll drink myself into oblivion! Coz of her! Coz of that b*tch I call my woman. Coz she is. I don't give a f*ck how much she denies me. I don't give a rat's ass about her dissing me, sending me to hell. Coz I'm on her brain every single second of every minute of every hour of every day of her life! She wont admit it, but I know it's so. I'm going mad, but who cares? Mom's gone, Nate's gone, Luca knows...what the hell does it matter any more?

No, no. I deserve better. Five years of this sh*t and I don't get a f*cking answer? Hell no! She's gonna give me an answer, even if it means fighting her for it. I deserve a f*cking answer!

"That's it! I can't take this any more!" Jim said to himself, slamming the glass of liquor on the counter. He dug into his pocket and dumped a bill on the counter next to his empty glass. He was determined.

He went out the door, hopped on his bike and went straight to get his answer. He was truly determined, more than he has ever been in his life! He was not going to take a no for an answer, even if...

"What are you doing here?" she asked behind the door

"Open the door, Chris!" he demanded sternly

"No, go home! It's done Street!"

"Open the f*cking door, now!" he demanded this time with strong conviction

She frowned at the closed door as she shook her head slowly.