Dear Diary...Where the fuck do I start?
The first moments of weakness in our secret game which resulted in moments of pure passion, me on the side with my legs wrapped around Natasha while she scattered my body with kisses in the school bathroom or the caring, concern, worried flicker of emotion she showed me when she thought she hurt me?
Or should I start where I rushed home trying to scrub the guilt off me before Steve turned up...I still don't know if I feel guilty for it happening or if I feel guilty for enjoying it.
Maybe I could start where she turned out to be the dinner guest, our families meeting for the first time and Steve being right in the middle. My boyfriend and 'just Natasha' the one I was kissing yesterday in the same room, my worlds colliding in some fucked up joke that is my life.
Alternatively I could start where Steve told me he was getting transferred to my school...yeah, still haven't quite processed that one yet...I don't think I'll start with that.
No, I think I'll start with how we all ended up in bed together...we put on some shitty movie, Steve was the first to fall asleep his snoring kept interrupting the movie and Tash made a few comments about a pillow on his face, drawing on him or shoving things up his nose and in his open mouth until he wakes up or chokes. She was happy with either result apparently.
I remember us getting closer so our whispers and laughs didn't interrupt the snoring beast beside us, how she insisted on putting her arm around me because I was only in my joggers and a vest top and I "must be cold, because of the blanket hogger" beside us. I remember her warmth, the way her scent instantly calmed me, how the sound of her heart soothed me when I snuggled in placing my head on her chest.
The morning was...well I don't really have words for it, I knew it was her at least I wished it was her. Just thinking about it makes me want more, every stolen moment with her makes everything else melt away; the fear, pain, judgement. I feel seen, like really seen and safe...even though I know this is all a game to her she's been the only one to make me feel, well, anything I forgot what it was like to feel.
Why don't I feel that spark with Steve anymore? Have I really gained weight like he said? How am I going to cope with him being at Maple Heights? Why do I like the taste of her lips on mine so much? What would really happen if I just gave into her?
Euugghh! I'm spiralling, I can feel it...I think that's enough of you today.
_____________________
The atmosphere was different I could feel it from the moment I walked into school, everyone was buzzing, whispering and laughing but for the first time since I've started I don't think its about me...
I feel hands grasp my hips from behind me, making me jump slightly "Have you heard?"
"Wands what the hell is going on around here?" I look around taking in my surroundings.
Her mouth drops open, "literally the biggest thing in the history of Maple Heights since I've been here."
I frown at her pushing her to continue.
"Natasha has put up posters for everyone to try out for the Cheer Squad!" She jumps up and down excitedly.
"So?"
"What do you mean so?" She looks personally attacked.
"What's the big deal?" I shrug.
YOU ARE READING
Maple Heights Private Academy- Natasha Romanoff x female reader.
Romance18+ Starting a new school always sucks, going from everything to nothing sucks more but maybe it's just what Y/N needs to find her true self. After an incident at your old school and impeccable timing of a job offer for your dad, you're a new stud...
