Maple Heights Private Academy- Natasha Romanoff x female reader.

Chapter 19 - What could we be?

This weekend was something else, on Friday Natasha turned up and boy did she turn up in style. After refusing to leave we ended up getting in a few heated moments, the kiss in the kitchen which was unexpected to say the least to her seeing this stupid book urrgh, I really wanted the floor to swallow me straight up but she tried to help me answer some of the questions. In all Honesty the more I'm around her the more confused I get, the more questions that get added to a never ending list.
I don't know why but when she stays the night, the nightmares that usually plague me from 'that night' don't show up. It's like she blocks them out somehow, the only thing I do know for certain about Natasha is that I do feel safe with her and that scares the fuck out of me.

My dear friend Carol turned up on Saturday, I thought I would of missed her a lot more than I have...having her here kind of put me on edge, I was so worried she would reveal something about what happened or why I left, she's not exactly the best at keeping her mouth shut, her presence also brought back more memories from that night. Will I ever truly escape what happened?

So many emotions have been felt this weekend, I teetering on the edge a few times I could feel myself getting overwhelmed. While Carol was around I had this constant sick feeling like she was going to make everything crash around me but was conflicted with how Natasha made me feel safe and excited. God my body is exhausted, how do I even begin to mentally process anything that happened.
What happened between Natasha and I Sunday morning, how am I meant to feel about that? The moment she began pulling me upstairs I knew, I secretly knew what was going to happen or at least what I hoped would happen and not for a second did I try and stop it or prevent it...I think I wanted it to happen. No I needed it to happen. I wanted her to kiss me, I wanted her to touch me like that. It was like all my emotions suddenly boiled over, my body set alight and she was the only one who could put me out.

I can't stop thinking how her lips felt on mine, how our warm and soft she was. I never thought I'd be that way with anyone again but I was so lost in...I was lost in her but I can't be. When I'm with her all my rational thinking goes out of the window, I don't care or think of anyone else.
We can't do this anymore, we shouldn't too many people are going to get hurt.

Who am I anymore? Since when did I become a cheater? What am I going to do when Steve is permanently here, I don't want the way things are to change...am I a bad person for that?

Typing out another message to Natasha I press send, she's not responded to me since she left yesterday, I can't help but think I've done something wrong or that she is regretting what happened between us reassuringly even if she doesn't reply I will at least see her in English this morning.

*Knock knock*  Peter leans his head around the door.

"You ready to go sis?"

"Let's do this." I grab my back and follow him out.

______________________

When Peter an I arrive we decide to go our opposite ways to our respected classes. I'm walking through the hall before someone walks up behind me grabbing my hips and wrapping there arms around my front making me jump.

"Morning, Lover girl." was whispered in my ear

"Wanda!" I squeal turning in her arms to face her.

She pulls me in and kisses me on the cheek making a very dramatic mwah sound. "Stop!" I laugh, "What if someone sees" I quickly look around and everyone is just wondering around in their own worlds.