Embracing Her Sweet Lies

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Tuluyan na akong nanghina at napaupo sa sahig ng makita siya ng malapitan. Marahas kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko at pinagmamasdan siyang mahimbing na natutulog sa kama ko habang yakap ang unan ko.

Nanghihina ako lalo ngayong pinagmamasdan ko ang itsura niya. Ang mga mata niya ay halata na kagagaling sa pag-iyak. He cried all day. He also smells alcohol. Ang magulo niyang mga buhok. Ang mga labi niyang pulang-pula at ang ilong na animo'y umiyak nang umiyak.

Umupo ako sa kama at inabot ang maamo niyang mukha. I caressed his hair. Naramdaman niya iyon dahilan na mapaungol ito at mas binaon ang unan ko sa kaniya.

"Please... come back to me," he whimpered.

Natigilan ako at pinagmamasdan siya. His shoulders are shaking, like he's going to cry again.

"Solana, baby. Come back... I need you," he sobbed.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... it's all my fault," he mumbled, still half asleep.

Tinakpan ko ang aking bibig para hindi marinig ang aking hikbi. I can't watch him so weak. He's begging in his sleep. He looks so lost and broke.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Marahan kong hinaplos ang pisngi nito.

Tuluyang bumuhos ang mga luha niya ngunit nakapikit pa rin.

I hushed. "I'm here, stop crying. I'm here."

Slowly, his eyes opened. Namumula ang mga mata nito dahil sa pag-iyak. His eyes widened when he saw me. Bumangon ito at parang hindi makagalaw. Lumuhod ako sa kama at lumapit sa kaniya.

"I'm here, Lucian. I'm here na. I won't leave you again," I said gently. Gulat pa rin ang mga mata nito na nakatingin sa akin.

"You're really... h-here?" anito, hindi pa rin makapaniwala.

"I'm here. Narito na 'ko. I won't leave you again..." I whispered.

Napailing ito at inabot ang mukha ko para halpusin ito. His tears continue pouring. Sumisikip ang dibdib ko dahil sa nakikita kong ganito si Lucian. I can't stand seeing him like this. Nanghihina rin ako. Nasasaktan din ako.

"Am I dreaming?" he mumbled and stared at me. Umiling ako at napayuko.

"It's okay... at least I saw you coming to me even if it's just in a dream."

I shook my head. "I'm real, Lucian. I'm really h-here. I came back. I came back to you. You're not dreaming," halos pabulong na lang ang mga salita ko dahil sa hindi ko mapigilang emosyon.

To the point that it's hard for him to believe that I'm really here, in front of him. Sobrang nasasaktan ako at naiinis sa sarili ko dahil sa akin ay ganito siya.

"Y-You're real? R-Really? You came back to me?"

Tumango ako at pinunasan ang kaniyang mga luha gamit ang aking mga daliri. Mas lalong bumuhos ang mga luha niya. Umalis ako sa kama at akmang kukuha ng panyo nang bigla niyang hulihin ang baywang ko at kinulong ako sa mga bisig niya.

Mahigpit niya akong niyakap. Habang ako ay hinarap siya. I'm now standing in front of him while he's sitting on the bed, hugging my waist.

He's crying in my tummy. Napakahigpit ng yakap niya na parang natatakot na makawala ako.

"I'm sorry. Please, baby. Don't leave me. S-Stay here with me. I'm begging you. I-I will be a good man. I'll follow whatever you want. I'll accept your madness. I'll suffer for the rest of my life. I'll mourn everyday for our lost... baby," he cried.

"I'm begging you... just don't leave me. You're the only one that I-I have. You're my home, Solana." Nag-angat ito ng tingin sa akin ngunit nakapalibot pa rin ang mga braso.

"I love you. Don't leave me again, please. I'm begging you, Solana. I'll accept your madness. Kakayanin ko lahat ng ibibigay mong sakit na dapat sa'kin. Habanag buhay akong magdudusa... at araw-araw din akong magluluksa para sa anak natin," he pleaded.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at marahan siyang itinulak. Agad siyang naalarma at umiling. Mas lalong bumuhos ang mga luha kong pilit kong pinipigilan nang lumuhod siya sa harapan ko. He's now kneeling in front of me, pleading desperately.

I covered my face with my palm as I sobbed. Hindi na kinakaya pa ng sarili ko na nakikita siyang ganito.

"Please, stop! Don't k-kneel. Tumayo ka-"

He didn't listen and continued pleading. "I'm sorry. Baby, please d-don't leave me. Please? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. My apologies aren't enough, I know. Kahit na lumuhod pa ako sa harap mo... alam kong hindi pa rin sapat. I love you, baby."

"Tumayo ka r'yan, Lucian. We will talk just-"

He shook his head, still crying. He let go of his pride and ego, just for me. I'm not worth it for this, he's doing this because he loves me. And I'm hurting seeing him like this. Our relationship isn't healthy anymore.

"I'm nothing without you. Solana... ikaw na lang ang dahilan kung bakit nabubuhay pa 'ko. You're my life. Without you, I'm lifeless. Ikaw 'yong pahinga ko, eh. But you left. I-I don't know what I will do anymore."

"But I understand why you left. I understand. I will always understand you. Our baby's lost, broke you. Naiintindihan kong kinailangan mong lumayo para sa sarili mo. I know you want to heal yourself..."

"But what about me? Like you, I'm hurt too. I'm broke, I'm lost. It brokes me every time I think of our angel. Iniwan niya na 'ko nang hindi ko nalalaman, pati ba naman ikaw?"

"What will happen to m-me without you? I-Ikaw na lang, Sol. Ikaw na lang. Ayokong pati ikaw mawala pa sa'kin. Kung hindi lang din naman ikaw ang makakasama ko hanggang sa pagtanda, ano pang rason ng buhay ko?" He shook his head.

"Solana... I'm begging you. Don't leave me. Stay here with me..."

Umiling ako at pinantayan siya. Lumuhod ako at hinaplos ang kaniyang pisngi. Pumikit ito at dinama ang aking palad sa kaniyang pisngi.

"Stop this. Don't do that again. And stop apologising. Wala kang ginawang mali, Lucian. There's nothing you should be sorry for. Okay?" marahan kong sambit.

"I have. Kung hindi dahil sa akin, our baby would be still here with us."

Umiling ako. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. Please. Stop pleading."

I let out a sigh and hugged him. "I won't leave you again. I will stay with you. I'll not be mad at you. So stop crying..."

His eyes softened. "I will, so you should stop crying too. And thank you. Thank you very much for coming back to me. Thank you for not leaving me again."

I smiled and kissed his cheek and his forehead. "I love you," I whispered.

His eyes closed as he looked down. His shoulders started shaking. He's crying again.

"Umiiyak ka na naman..." aniko.

"I can't help it. I'm sorry. I'm just so happy. I love you so much, Solana Shivani. I love you." He smiled and gave me a deep kiss.

He kissed me passionately. I hugged his nape and kissed him back.