Lost in the Pastel Hues (Sunset Avenues #3)

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Betrayal

I'll forget about him. And why do you think that you could even do that? Kung hindi mo nagawa sa nakalipas na taon?

Sa condo unit ng Ate, nagkalat sa isang sulok ang mga art materials. I was about to break the painting that I have with him. Ngunit sa huli ay hindi ko pa rin magawa.

Sa huli ay binitiwan ko na lang iyong paintbrush. Hindi ako makapag-isip nang pwedeng ipinta. Ang tanging nasa canvas lamang ay kulay itim. Kulay itim at sa ibabaw nito ay ang magkakaibang kulay.

No direction and no subject really. Perhaps the negative emotions that were trying to conquer me at the moment became the subject of complexity.

Bumalik ako ng Manila upang kalimutan ang nangyari sa Norte. I could stand on my own. And so leaving him wouldn't hurt right? It wouldn't hurt kung ako lang sa aming dalawa ang nasasaktan nang ganito.

But who are you deceiving, Paige? Ang sarili mo ba? Surely. Dumukdok ako sa aking mga braso. Sinusubukang huwag isipin iyon at dalhin na lamang sa pagpipinta ang nararamdaman kahit para akong dinudurog.

You'd still be alone at the end of the day. At sarili mo lang din ang kakampi mo.

Naiintindihan ko. Naiintindihan ko palagi. Kinagat ko nang mariin ang aking labi.

Hanggang kailan ko maiintindihan ang mga bagay bagay? At kailangan kong tanggapin ang mga panghuhusga at iyong panloloko na galing sa kan'ya because of the feelings that he felt when he lost his parents and when I pretended years ago.

Ganoon ba ang nagawa mong konklusyon noon, Jake? Kaya ba niya ako hinabol papuntang Baguio noon dahil doon? Pinalis ko ang luha and I have seen myself on the mirror. Nakasuot ng isang maluwang na damit, walang sapin sa paa at nakatali ang buhok. Nagkalat din sa katawan ang pinta. I looked like a mess.

So he fooled you. So he thinks that you are a scam. And you think that the world will grieve for you?

Kung may isa man akong natutunan sa lahat ng ito, it is ourselves that we should love first and we shouldn't be emotionally dependent to other people. I had enough pero ganoon pa rin ang sakit.

Did you really love yourself enough?

You rose from a fall then, Paige. Kaya mo ito.

If there's one thing that we should learn from the phase of getting hurt, it is not to subject ourselves to that pain for such a long period of time. That would give people the gratification of hurting us more.

Tama na ang pag-iyak, Paige. Kinaya mo ang masamang pagtingin sa'yo ng lahat sa nakalipas na mga taon. Madali na lamang ito. Perhaps, I will never look at him the same way again.

I came back to my routine when Leslie arrived in the Philippines with her glam team. We were both invited for consecutive events.

Sakay pa sa sasakyan ng Ate, tinungo ko ang airport. Nahuli man ang dalawang gunmen noon pero naroon pa rin ang dalawang bodyguards na nakasunod sa akin. It was my sister's orders. Ganoon pa man, pinakiusapan ko siya na sana'y huwag na si Jake.

"Paige, babe, what happened to the red curls, huh? Someone got your heart broken or someone got your heart hooked? I missed you so much!"

"What happened to the curls? I don't know!" I laughed.

"What, why, I am being serious. Someone got your heart broken? Tell me about it!"

Leslie was so hyper about spending time in the Philippines with me. Alam kasi niyang may bahagi talaga sa pagkatao ko ang nandito sa bansa.