Lost in the Pastel Hues (Sunset Avenues #3)

Chapter 46

Chapter 46

Heal

The point of suffering is actually hard as you remember all the troubled days and your unstable self. And the moment you choose to heal would mean to suffer to be actually healed.

I thought of Jake and the promise of the kiss at that point of goodbye.

In solitude, one could actually see the faces of love. It could be freedom, acceptance or peace. I aimed for that when I left the limelight for my peace. I have learned to accept within myself that I really need help and that wouldn't happen if I continue denying that I am in need of help.

I have forgotten the image of Paige Legacy and for that I have to really ask myself, who Paige Legacy is?

Nalaman ko mula sa isang magazine ang tungkol sa rancho na ipinagbibili ng isang may-ari sa California. Iyon ang mismong property na naipagbili sa bangko noon nang mamatay si Daddy. Leaving the limelight, I chose to move in California and planned to have the house renovated. Hinanap ko iyong may-ari at triniple ang presyo ng property.

Nakilala ko rin ang isang grupo, a small support group in California that listens to people suffering from different dilemmas. Though joining the group should have been private, some of the members actually wondered why I was there and kept a low profile. The decision to be alone is actually freeing one's self from the cage.

Binuksan ko ang bintana ng bahay at bumungad sa akin ang rancho. Ang rancho na noon ay inalagaan ng Daddy. When my sister found out, she also bought the property next to the ranch. At maaaring bago siya manganak o pagkatapos niyang manganak ay bibisita siya ng California.

I guess I became myself at that moment in time. I enjoyed the process of beginning. Of starting over again.

Though some people may find that it's not the life that the Paige Legacy would prefer but figuring it out becomes my greatest adventure. I stayed in an institution in New York during the first month of the renovation. Lumipat na lamang ako at dala ang karamihan ng mga gamit nang nakalahati na sa renobasyon.

I hired a veterinarian and at the same time a horseback trainer. Step by step, I started to bring back the life I used to live during my childhood. The faint memories that I have when I was merely around eight to nine years old, wandering around the ranch and mimicking what my father does.

Horseback riding. Pagpapaligo ng mga kabayo at ang pagbisita ko sa kwadra. Dalawang thoroughbred stallion pa lamang ang laman ng kwadra at tinitignan ng veterinarian. Nagpaplano pa lamang akong dagdagan ang mga kabayo through breeding.

I remembered when I was a child, in my faint memories, I would always try to ride a pony and pretend as if I were Zoro. Tinuruan ako ng Daddy noon sa mga gawain sa rancho pero dahil nalulong sa sugal at sa mga bisyo, nagbago ang naging buhay namin sa rancho.

"Hoo, Alva!"

It was the name of the horse. It was a female horse and I chose the name next to what I have remembered as Alvar. Noong una ay mailap pa sa akin ang kabayo at ilang beses pang muntik na ako nitong ihulog pero onti-onti ay napaamo ko na ito.

Bumaba ako mula sa ibabaw ng kabayo at tinanaw ang kabuuan ng rancho mula sa mataas na bahagi, kung saan kita ko ang property. Hindi pa tapos ang renobasyon sa bahay at siguro ay aabutin pa iyon ng ilang buwan. Mas inuna ko na kasing ipinagawa ang bakod.

Hinawi ko ang aking buhok. It seemed so fascinating as I looked at my reflection in the waters. Alva was drinking from the water so I had a glimpse of myself. My lips formed a smile when I realized the phases I went through.

'You are stronger than what you think.'

At paano ako dinala ng mga karanasang iyon dito. Sa tahimik na rancho at inaalala ang natitirang memorya ni Daddy.