les sequelles - Eric Coulter 1

4. Relapse

RW: Relapse (Triggers!!)

(A/N) Another request! Please don't read this if any of the warnings trigger you! And if you need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out. Whether to a friend, your parents/guardians, a teacher or even me. You are not alone.

Pairing: Eric x Reader

Warnings: EATING DISORDER, SELF HARM, blood, vomiting, MENTAL ILLNESS

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"Aren't you a feeling warm Y/N?" My eyes landed on Four, a longtime friend who was standing beside me. He was pointing at the hoodie I had on. It was one of Eric's and I loved wearing it, but he was right. I was feeling hot as fuck, but I couldn't take it off.

"No...I'm feeling rather cold actually...maybe I'm coming down with something." My eyes moved back to observe the training room. It was occupied by the new initiates who were all stationed at punching bags, practicing. Eric was moving around, observing and sometimes correcting the initiates.

I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I watched him. We had been together for a few years now, and I knew I could trust him, but the way he studied those girls. All of them, young and thin and beautiful. He could have any of them. He could have anyone in the faction and yet he chose me. Old, fat, miserable me.

I sighed at the thought and felt an itch in my fingers, that I knew all too well. Begging to get a blade and...well...

"Y/N? Are you okay?" I once again looked at Four. He looked worried and I knew that by then, he had guessed what was going on. My eyes returned to Eric, who was watching us.

"I...I have to go." As quick as my feet carried me, I ran out of the training room and down the hallways until I reached the apartment I shared with Eric.

I punched in the code and quickly slipped inside, closing the door behind me.

Now I was just standing there, leaning against the door of our apartment, knowing that he deserved better than me. Without thinking, I made my way to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. It had become such a routine in the last few days that I, without hesitation, pushed my finger down my throat, until my body reacted, and the contents of my stomach landed in the toilet. I kneeled there for a few minutes, until I was sure my stomach was empty and that nothing more was coming out.

Breathing heavily, I leaned back against the wall. My eyes once again landed on the toilet and I could see some of the puke. I got to my feet and quickly flushed it down, before I dared to look in the mirror.

My face was red, my cheeks covered in tears and my eyes puffy. I hadn't even realized that I was crying.

With another sigh, I filled a cup with water and quickly washed out my mouth. All though, the water wasn't enough to get the taste out of my mouth, I felt at least a bit better. I searched for the mouthwash, but only found an empty bottle. Of course, Eric would finish it and neither tell me that we need a new one, nor get one himself. Frustrated, I threw the bottle in the trash when my eyes landed on a bunch of tissues. I carefully picked it up and unwrapped the blade I had hidden there in the morning. Tears formed in my eyes as I carefully lifted the sleeve of the hoodie and saw the cuts from just a few hours ago. I was about to cut into my skin, when there was a loud banging on the bathroom floor.

"Y/N? Y/N are you in there?" He sounded panicked.

Eric POV

As soon as Y/N ran out of the training room, I walked up to Four. I wanted to run after her immediately, but we had to keep our composure in front of the initiates.

"What's wrong?" Y/N really is the only reason Four and I are able to talk to each other without fighting. But now, he looked worried.

"Eric...I think she's relapsed." I frowned.

"Relapsed? No, I would've noticed that." Four sighed.

"She is wearing a hoodie, Eric. Do you know how hot it is?"

"She told me that she's been cold all morning. She said that she thinks she is coming...down...with something." Four only nodded. Shit. How could I be that blind? Those were the exact same excuses she used last time. My eyes widened.

"Go. I'll take care of the initiates." I just nodded at Four, before I calmly walked out of the training room. But as soon as I was sure the initiates could no longer see or hear me, I started sprinting.

I was running as fast as I could and pushed away everyone that was in my way. I think I had never reached the apartment that quickly. As I punched in the code, my fingers trembled, causing me to press a wrong number.

"Shit." I had to wait for the annoying peeping noise to stop before I could try again. Without hesitation, I threw the door open and rushed inside, not even thinking about closing it behind me. I knew that she'd be in the bathroom, so I immediately rushed there and started hammering against the door.

"Y/N? Y/N are you in there?"

"Y/N? Y/N are you in there?" I huffed, annoyed when my girlfriend didn't answer me. She'd been acting weird for a few days now, ever since one of the new faction members flirted with me. I had shut her down as quickly as possible, but Y/N took it personal. I've tried my best to reassure her, but since then, she's been spending a lot of time in the bathroom, and barely talked to me.

"Y/N?" I tried once more, before I decided to leave. I had taken two steps when I heard a loud thump. I immediately turned back and hammered at the door.

"Y/N! Open the fucking door!" She didn't react, so I did the first thing that came to my mind. I took a few steps back and kicked in the door, hoping that I wouldn't injure Y/N in any way.

I quickly rushed in and found Y/N on the floor, unconscious and blood all over her. I kneeled down beside her and shook her carefully, trying to wake her up. She wouldn't respond. I picked up her wrist, noticing a bunch of cuts along her arm. The cause of the bleeding.

I took of my shirt and wrapped it around her arm as tightly as I could, before I placed my fingers on her neck.

"Thank fuck. She's got a pulse." I quickly picked Y/N's unconscious body up and headed to the medical station as quick as I could.

"Y/N! Please!" I was banging on the door when Y/N finally opened up. She looked at me surprised.

"Eric, wha-?" Before she could finish the question, I pulled her into a hug, crushing her body against mine. She didn't react for a moment, before she wrapped her arms around me tightly and started to sob against my chest. I held her tight while my eyes scanned the bathroom. I first noticed some puke on the toilet. She threw up. And then, my eyes landed on the blade that was laying on the floor.

I continued to hold her, until she had somewhat calmed down. Without question, she followed me when I led her to the bedroom and had her sit down on the bed. I kneeled down in front of her and carefully took her hands into mine, before I turned them around. Both wrists, which were already littered with scars, had fresh wounds on them.

I looked up at her, tears in my eyes, but she wouldn't look at me. Letting go of one of her hands, I used my now free one, to lift her chin until she was looking at me.

"I love you, Y/N. I love you so fucking much. I know words can't just...make this do away. But I'll do everything you need me to. I'll always be here for you and...I'll support you every step you make. I love you. So fucking much."

She started to cry again and picked her up, sitting down on the bed and setting her down on my lap. We just sat there, both of us crying and when both of us calmed down, I pressed a kiss against her forehead, before I carried her to the bathroom, where our first aid kit was.

I sat her down on the edge of the bathtub and while kneeling in front her, I carefully cleaned and bandaged her wounds.

After that, we went back to bedroom and changed into more comfortable clothes. We spent the rest of the day cuddling in bed. And tomorrow...well, we'll take on tomorrow when it comes, for now, all I wanted to do was hold her. And I did.*************************************

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