Her Luna (Jungkook x reader)

chapter 4

Tonight was going to be the night. I was going to give myself fully to Kyung, the man who claimed to be my mate. I wasn't excited at all. There were no butterflies in my stomach. My heart wasn't racing from the love I had for him but for the slight fear I had about being in such a vulnerable position with him. I didn't feel safe with him. Over the years, he became someone I tip-toed around in order to not upset him instead of being someone I knew I could always run to when I needed him.

My thoughts were like a hurricane in my mind when Binna, the head of the kitchen placed my usual morning tea in front of me. She was the only one who could ever make it correctly. It was the normal green tea but she added a secret ingredient that gave it almost a little spice. She had been making my tea since I was little and still hadn't told me her secret.

She gave a warm smile as I took my first sip, "What's on your mind, dear?"

"I'm going all the way with Kyung tonight." It came out barely as a whisper.

Binna's reaction was as expected, "Oh that's wonderful! That'll bring you two so much closer! I know you don't have your wolf side yet but that will strengthen his mate bond to you. Are you nervous?"

"Something like that."

"Well you better go get ready for tonight. It's one you're always going to remember and you need to look perfect for our future Beta. Oh, the two of you will have such beautiful pups someday. I'm so happy for you, dear. I know I'm just the kitchen help but you let me know if you need anything."

Her excitement is what I wish I was feeling, "I will, Binna. Thank you." I finished the tea and left the kitchen.

I thought about calling Myeong, she was my best friend and the only one that I felt I could truly talk to. I could tell her my true feelings, and although she disagreed with most of them, she would just sit and listen while I vented. That's what I appreciated about her. I decided on not calling her though, because as hard as she would try, she wouldn't be able to hide her excitement. Getting ready was something I would be doing alone. I wasn't celebrating anything about tonight anyways.

I stayed in the shower for almost two hours, letting my tears also wash down the drain. I quietly sobbed. I wasn't sure if I was crying because I wasn't ready for tonight or if it was because I didn't think Kyung was my mate. Could he be wrong? Could he just think I was his mate because of how much he has always liked me? Wouldn't his wolf side know if he was wrong? The mate bond was always described as another animal instinct for us, but could his instincts be off? If they were, and he wasn't my mate, then everything I ever wanted for myself would be ruined. I wanted to give myself to my mate and feel our bond. Men didn't like when women slept around and it wasn't uncommon for them to reject their mate if they found out she hadn't saved herself for him.

Rejecting a mate was disrespectful to the Moon Goddess, the one who gifted us with a soulmate. The one that werewolves worshiped. But it was even more disrespectful for a woman to not save herself. Regardless, the punishment for not accepting the gift from the Moon Goddess was pain. People described a rejection feeling like death. It was something I never wanted to experience. 

What if Kyung wasn't my mate? What if he actually was wrong about this? Would my real mate not want me anymore? All the fears and worries just fueled the tears falling down my face. They continued as I fixed my hair and attempted to do my makeup. Halfway through the process I pulled myself together enough to stop crying so I could finish without mascara running down my cheeks.

I settled on a summer dress but stuck to my usual all black outfit. By the time I was finished getting ready it was sun set. Kyung would be here soon. I slipped some sandals on before exiting the room. As I did, I ran straight into my mother.