Her Luna (Jungkook x reader)

chapter 5

My eyes were puffy and sore as I quickly threw on my workout clothes. I needed to run. The burn in my muscles and blood pumping through my veins would take my mind off of everything. Alone time through the woods would also allow me to feel as close as I could be to my wolf side. Hopefully I would be able to think clearly and things would make sense. I had never felt so confused or lost. Why wasn't I beyond happy after the night I had with my mate? I should have been feeling like I was on cloud nine. I should just want to be wrapped in his arms, feeling nothing but the love we shared. But did I have any love for him? This was never how I imagined things to go for me. 

After stopping by the kitchen for my morning tea, I immediately slipped out the door and into the trees before anyone could stop me. I wasn't ready for any of the questions that everyone had. Everyone would expect me to tell them how amazing my night was and that I've never felt closer to Kyung. I needed to figure out how to lie and make it believable. Because the truth was I wanted nothing more than to be as far away from him as possible. I didn't want to see him or speak to him. If I didn't get rid of these negative feelings and replace them with absolute joy, there would be a lot of trouble and drama coming my way.

For now I tried thinking about anything other than the issues at hand. I would handle them once my emotions had settled. Instead I focused on the crisp, cool morning air. I could feel the change of seasons coming. The days weren't as hot and the nights were getting even colder. The trees were shifting from rich greens to warm oranges. I ran past the stream that ran through the pack lands. The lack of rain through the summer made it smaller, and soon with the colder months coming, what was left would freeze over completely. 

I kept running and running. By now the sun was shining bright and the majority of the pack would be awake now. People were going to start looking for me, wanting all the details of my first night. When I was almost at the edge of pack lands, I stopped in a small clearing to catch my breath. My muscles were starting to burn, which was exactly what I wanted. Anything to help me ignore the storm inside my mind. 

I would go back and tell everyone it was the most amazing night. That I had no reason to be worried and Kyung was right all along. That even without my wolf, after fully giving myself to him I could feel we were mates. I would tell my parents I was dumb and foolish, and I would apologize for being so stubborn. I would tell all my friends he was the most passionate lover and I was extremely lucky to have him. From here on out, I would accept my place as his mate and cling to his side. I would stay quiet like a good she wolf should and let him take the lead in our relationship. I would stop fighting him and give him whatever he wanted. I would follow the path that had already been laid out for me before I even knew what love was. 

The tears were burning behind my eyes. They were begging to be released. Now was a better time to fall apart where no one could see. Crying here would give me time to put myself back together again before giving the best performance of my life.

I sat on the ground and pulled my knees to my chest. Hiding my face in my arms, I sobbed. I didn't want to give myself to him anymore than I already had. But what other choice did I have? I was no longer a virgin and if he wasn't my mate, no one would want a used woman. I was stuck with Kyung.

After a while of crying, I was able to compose myself and decided it was time to head back. By now people would really be looking for me. I got up off the ground and dusted myself off. As I was about to run off, I heard a snap behind me. I quickly turned to see if someone was here with me, and saw no one. But I felt like I was being watched.

"Who's there?" I was answered with silence. 

"I heard you. I know someone is here," I paused and waited. But there was still no response.