Fated To Be His...

28. I love you, Xiao Zhan...

Zhan stared at the man before him and for a moment, he was speechless. Yibo hadn't said it out loud yet but Zhan had no doubt Yibo hated Yichen. It was evident in the way the Alpha spat the other's name and the look that took hold of Yibo's face whenever Yichen's name left Zhan's lips. It was pure loathing and Zhan didn't want Yibo to feel that way for a person Zhan cared about. He didn't want Yibo to misunderstand his relationship with Yichen. A-Chen had been Zhan's support for three years now and Zhan cared for the man a great deal. Although, he couldn't refute the fact that he and Yichen wouldn't have been close if Yibo hadn't been away, he knew saying the words would hurt Yibo more than anything else. Smoothing his hands down Yibo's face, Zhan took hold of both of Yibo's hands and his voice was gentle when he spoke. "I do care about him, Yibo. Just like I care for Zhuocheng..Yubin...or Wei Wei. These years, Lei and me were often worried about the shelter. People kept coming in, we were worried we didn't have enough resources to keep us all afloat. Yichen is one of the people who helped us when we needed it the most. He has done a lot for this place. So, I can't forget what Yichen has done for us. If you say you want me to stay away from him or that I shouldn't be around him, I won't do it. He was a friend to me when I needed him, I won't turn my back on him if he ever needs me. That's not who I am." Yibo had stiffened ever since Zhan began speaking but the Omega didn't let Yibo pull away from him, holding the man close. "Yibo...say something."  "Don't let him come near you", the Alpha repeated and this time, Zhan frowned.  "That isn't fair, Yibo. Yichen doesn't deserve this."  "And I do?", Yibo countered with an arctic tone, a glacial look in his eyes and Zhan's mouth pursed.  "I deserve to see you both talking, laughing with each other as if it doesn't fucking bother me? I deserve to live with the fact that I am no longer the person you come to when things get difficult? That I am no longer your confidant...no longer the person who has your love and loyalty all to myself. Is this what you are saying, Xiao Zhan?"

Zhan took in a deep breath to calm himself down knowing his own anger will feed Yibo's wrath. He took a step back and saw Yibo's eyes narrow. "All I want is for you to be civil with him, Wang Yibo. I don't want you two fighting over something as stupid as this. He is a good person. That's all."  "And I am the bad guy, right?"  "What the fuck is wrong with you, Wang Yibo?", Zhan burst out loud anger finally washing upon him.  "Why are you using my words and contorting them into something else? I never said you are a bad person! Stop being so unreasonable!" Zhan  exhaled harshly, his eyes were still hard when he said the next words. "You are going to treat Yichen with respect and you won't pick a fight with him. You hear me?"  "What if I don't?", challenged the Alpha, his eyes flashing golden and Zhan's chin rose up a fraction as he leaned closer to Yibo. "Don't test me, Wang Yibo. The world might be afraid of your feral ass but I really don't give a shit. He has done nothing to you so you won't provoke him. I am repeating what I said earlier. Yichen is my friend. I don't allow him to speak ill of you and I would like you to do the same. You weren't here for five years, Wang Yibo. Whether you like it or not, these people have supported me at my lowest so I won't turn my back on them. No matter who asks me to do it...I won't."  "But, you will turn your back on me because I left you here", came the cruel response and Zhan finally succumbed to the dark rage in him. "That's you, Wang Yibo. You are the one who turns his back on people who care for your well being. You did that five years ago..you are capable of doing it again. Even when I begged you to take me with you, begged you to stay with me, you left me here alone and you took five years to come back! You lived a life without me in it so,you don't get to blame me for living my life. You chose this path for us when you abandoned me so easily. All of this is on you." Zhan was breathing hard as the last word rolled of his tongue and no matter how much Zhan wanted, he couldn't take those words back. He saw every syllable of his cut Yibo like glass but the anger boiling in his blood refused to calm down.

"Do you think I wanted to do this to us? I am right beside you but I still don't have you. No matter how near you are...you still aren't mine, Xiao Zhan. There are oceans between us when I can barely handle a few inches of distance among us. Do you think I wanted this?", Yibo asked softly a few heartbeats later, his voice hoarse and eyes empty.  "Do you think I chose to leave you here alone? Do you even know how long I have loved you, Xiao Zhan? I was five years old when I fell for you. You didn't even know what that emotion was for years to come but there I was, drowning in the intensity of my feelings. The day I stole you from those jackals, you stared up at me with your beautiful eyes and I knew I was done for. You became a part of me. The best part of me. I refused to leave you in anyone's arms. Lei sometimes caught me massaging my sore arms and he says that even then I was smiling. The truth is...the way you looked up at me as if I was all you saw..I didn't want anyone else to have that. Even at five I was selfish for your attention.  I dreaded that you might not feel the way I do when we grew up. That you would want to leave my arms the day you truly fell for someone. I lived in that fear for years but when it didn't happen, I thought I had finally managed to make you feel an ounce of what I felt for you. Do you think it was easy leaving you when I loved you with every bit of breath in me?"  "You still did", Zhan's voice was barely above a whisper and a rueful smile embraced Yibo's lips. "There was nothing easy about leaving you here, Xiao Zhan. If you think that it was...you never knew or understood me. I left my heart...my soul..my everything here. I didn't abandon you...I just wanted a home to come back to when I finally killed the people who ripped everything from my hands. That's what you are. You are my home, Zhan-Zhan. There were fifty Lan wolves that were burnt to ashes that night. You can call me selfish for hunting those killers, choosing revenge over our life here but that revenge wasn't only mine. I couldn't live knowing that the man who had ruined so many lives got a happy ending. I knew I had a price to pay for it and I was ready. Because, I had thought that even when all of what I had was gone, I had you to come back to. Not because I took you for granted...but because I had no one else. I just have you. One person in this entire world whom I could ask to hug me, whisper in my ear that it was alright, whom I could beg to love me even when no one else did. I wanted you to say that I was home."  Yibo's voice had dropped to a whisper at the end but he still looked at Zhan in the eye, his smile wan and eyes filled with hurt.

"I know what I did was unforgivable, little wolf. I might have succeeded in avenging my family but I lost something far more precious to me. I lost you." The words penetrated bone deep and Zhan's eyes watered because of the helplessness in Yibo's form. "I don't ask you to forgive me...I can't. I don't even know how to fix what I have broken in you. I just ask you to stop saying that it was easy for me to leave you because it fucking wasn't. I get that these people supported you when you were in need. Yichen might be a friend to you and I know I am being a total asshole but pure dread fills me when I see the two of you together.  I hate that he might know the secrets you shared only with me, that he laughed with you, that he knows how much your scent sweetens when you are happy. I loathe the fact that he had your time and attention for the years I didn't have them. Five years, Xiao Zhan. I haven't been living these years, baby. I swear on my life that no matter how much Gu Yinjun hurt me or my wolf, none of his knives or daggers hurt as much as being away from you did. I wanted to come back, Zhan-Zhan. I did. I wanted that more that I wanted to breathe. But, my wolf didn't let me. We were both afraid of losing control and hurting you. One of the shifters in my pack...he wanted to lead in my place. I didn't mind that he did, I knew I would return here one day anyway and being with you was all I wanted. He challenged me, little wolf and during the battle, my wolf went feral. He submitted at the end but I was too far gone and I killed him. When I shifted back to my human form, I saw what I had done to him and I remember I threw up right there. That was when I started to fear my own emotions. My temper is hot and easy to trigger at the best of times but I am way worse when it concerns you, Zhan. The power you have over me...no one else will ever have it. But, when I saw that mangled body in front of me an image of you lying lifeless in tatters flashed in front of me. I have never been more afraid of anything in my life. I realised that day that I had a choice. It was either staying away from you or hurting you...being a danger to you. It was the easiest choice I ever made." Tears rolled down Zhan's cheeks silently as he stared at Yibo's face. The Alpha pulled Zhan close to him and rested his head lightly over Zhan's, closing his eyes.

"I can't change my past, little wolf. Can't change what I've become now. I know that they say love should not be selfish. I should let you be happy with whomever you choose but the mere thought of you with someone else...it fucks me up. If you fall in love with someone else, I will never be happy for you. I'll be jealous as fuck. I am abrasive, selfish, maybe broken beyond repair but I am what fate gave you. Maybe to save me from myself and it will only be my death that will take you away from me. You have all of me. All the jagged, broken pieces of me and I won't take them back. I love you, Xiao Zhan. More than I loved you five years ago. Your memories and that chain around my neck...they got me through all the darkness that threatened to consume me. I can't give that up, Zhan. I can't give you up. Not for anyone else. Hate me with everything in you...resent me for everything I have done but don't throw me away. Don't take this away from me. Please. I will do whatever you want from me. Serve my beating heart on a silver fucking platter but I won't be able to give you to another."  There were a thousand things on Zhan's lips but he couldn't get any of those words out of his throat. He wrapped his arms around the Alpha and breathed in the scent of sandalwood that belonged to Wang Yibo. "Don't leave me, Zhan. I only have you", Yibo whispered too low for even Zhan to hear but his arms tightened around Yibo's waist and he felt Yibo melt into his arms. "I won't create problems for Yichen. Just...just don't throw me away."  Wiping his tears in Yibo's shirt, Zhan patted Yibo's back. "I won't leave you, Yibo. Never. I promise."