Life, Death, and Time - A Books Of Beginning Collection

Oneshot: Of Anarchy And Aristocrats

Background: The Dire Magnus wins AU. Takes place after the takeover and is centered around Lili and her life from her elementary school years to her early adulthood.

Content: Dark/horror, Lili-centric, Kate x Rafe, Lili x Eternity, twisted romance, obsession, twisted family dynamics, shattered innocence, angst, violence, this is really long, Lili being a disaster lesbian in every universe, mentions of sexist and objectifying ideas (not from any main or canon characters). 

Lili didn't know how old she was when people started taking an interest in how her future would be shaped, but she knew she must have been very young, judging from the look of disgust and anger that the topic always brought to her parents' faces. They took an interest in her younger brother and sister as well, but not from such an early age, and not with the intensity that they looked at her. She didn't understand that for a long time, even when one of the members of her father's council tried to explain to her that she was the heir to the whole world; of course people were looking at her. Lili thought that was ridiculous; she knew what it meant to be an heir, of course, she was a smart girl who read many books filled with adventure. What was ridiculous was the fact that she was an heir. That implied that she would succeed her parents someday, and to do that would mean they would either retire or die. Lili was too young to grasp the concept of retirement, but she knew what death was, and she knew that the idea of it happening to the parents she loved so much was unthinkable.

Despite her distaste for the matter, people kept looking at her, though. Most of her father's council and her mother's friends watched her, this girl who they had pegged for their next leader, with this mix of duty and wariness. It was as if they were waiting for the power inside of her to make itself known, as if they were disappointed every day that it didn't, and terrified of the day that it would. The petitioners and politicians that came to see her parents looked at her like that too, except they were more overtly curious. It wasn't every day that they caught a glimpse of the Dire Magnus's heir, after all. 

Once she realized that people were looking at her, she began to feel the burn of their eyes. Lili could feel Rourke watching her with distaste and fear, she could sense the way Jake and Beetles were silently comparing her to the woman her middle name was honoring, measuring her shortcomings against the original Henrietta. Lili could tell that Abigail was always polite around her, almost too polite - she assumed that the woman was uncomfortable around children. It would be many years before she realized that it was only her and her siblings who inspired such a reaction. 

Lili knew that her grandparents, her uncle and his wife, her aunt, they all looked at her too. With fondness and love and surprise and something akin to the way a deer looks at a lion cub; like they knew that she was too small and too kind to harm them, like they knew that she could grow up and learn to tear them to bits. It was exhausting in a way that she couldn't describe, all these eyes on her. The only people who weren't constantly looking at her, expecting things from her, measuring her against the ideas they had in their heads were her siblings and her parents. They were her refuge, and it was no surprise that she clung to them, and to the shadows. The spotlight made her skin burn and her head ache. The darkness was unfeeling, unseeing, and that made it more friendly than anything.

*******

Lili was eight years old and the world was full of joy.

The manor had been decorated, strung up with strands of lights to give everything a soft glow. It was that stretch of time between Christmas and New Years that didn't feel like much of anything and yet also felt like everything. Rafe had been talked into throwing a small party for the members of his council and some others within the inner circle. He had confessed to Lili before the shindig began, in a whisper like his secret held power, that he wasn't a big fan of parties like these - he preferred the small ones with cake that they'd have for Lili and her siblings' birthdays - but they made the time of year and the council feel special and so he hosted them anyways.