Life, Death, and Time - A Books Of Beginning Collection

Oneshot: A Thousand Times Over

Background: Yet another oneshot in which Rafe is alive.

Content: Angst, Rafe reflects on his time as the Dire Magnus, Kate x Rafe shipping

Kate was awake, even in the dead of night, as she always was, too afraid of the nightmares that plagued her to sleep. She had assumed that she was the only one awake, she had known for a fact that her siblings were dreaming peacefully after all, and her parents had gone to bed early that night. But she could hear the sound of crying coming from the room next to her own. Rafe's room.

Kate approached the door and knocked lightly, a frown of worry on her face. A few seconds later, the door swung open, revealing a red eyed Rafe who had most definitely been the source of the sobs.

"Rafe," Kate whispered softly, "I heard you crying. What's wrong?"

"I- nothing, go back to sleep Kate. I'm sorry I woke you," Rafe said.

Kate's frown deepened, "you didn't wake me, I was already up. And it's clearly not nothing. Please Rafe, let me help you."

He sighed and opened the door wider, letting her in. Together they sat down on the bed, Kate looking at him with concern. He wasn't meeting her eyes, and the look on his face was one of guilt and sorrow.

"What had you so upset?" Kate asked.

"Just... well.... I was thinking about all of it," Rafe mumbled. There was no need for him to say what it was. They both knew he was referring to his time as the Dire Magnus, a time he hated to mention because it brought up bad memories for all.

Kate reached out and put a gentle hand on his shoulder, "do you wanna talk about it?"

He finally turned to look at her, "I - I don't wanna bring back things you'd rather forget."

Kate shook her head, "trying to forget doesn't work. We need to heal, and I personally think we can do that better together, by talking to each other."

Rafe replied, "o... ok."

They sat in silence for a moment as Rafe tried to find the right words to describe what he was feeling. 

Finally, the boy spoke, "I... I hate myself sometimes, for what I did when... when I was him. The things I did - just being him, it was all so terrible. And I hate that while I was him, I liked doing those terrible things. I liked hurting people. And I never want to be that way again."

Kate took his hand in her own and squeezed it reassuringly, "you don't have to be. You have a second chance."

"I know, and I plan to make the most of it," Rafe replied, "but Kate... the guilt, the sorrow, the loathing for who I was and what I've done - that's not the worst part."

"What is?" Kate asked, her voice growing tighter.

Rafe took a deep breath and forced himself to get the words out. "The worst part is, as much as I regret all the terrible things I did, and even knowing what I do now, that wouldn't change my choice. I'd still become the Dire Magnus time and time again, a thousand times over if I had to."

"Rafe..."

"Hell, I'd give up the entire world a thousand times over before I lost you Kate. Does that make me horrible? That I'd do it again, and worse, that I'd put the world in danger without a thought if that's what it took to save your life? Does it make me a monster that I'd choose one person over my own soul and the destinies of everyone?"

Kate opened her mouth to speak but had no words. She could feel tears brewing in her eyes and threatening to fall. 

Finally, she composed herself and said, "I... I think we should try to keep the world alive. But I also think that loving someone enough to sacrifice everything for them does not make you a monster. Because if I had to choose between the fate of the world and say, Michael and Emma... well, someone else could always save the world but only I could save my siblings. So I understand."

Rafe nodded, but he looked close to tears again. Kate squeezes his hand once more, getting him to look at her. She said, "and if you happened to become the Dire Magnus a thousand times, I'd just have to save you a thousand times over."

Rafe looked at her in slight amazement, "I... wow Kate... no one's ever believed in me enough to save my soul a thousand times."

"No one's ever offered to sacrifice everything for me like you did," Kate stated in response, a lone tear escaping and rolling down her cheek. 

This time, Rafe squeezed her hand reassuringly, "you're worth it."

"You are too," she whispered. 

Rafe paused speaking for a moment, as if he was thinking about something, but when he turned back to her, there was a half smile on his face, "we're a pair of self-sacrificing crazy people aren't we?"

Kate let out a small laugh, "it's part of the reason why we're so made for each other."

He laughed at that, just a bit, placing his arm around her at the same time. Kate leaned in, trustingly reading her head against his shoulder.

"I love you," Kate said, and even after everything, those words were completely true.

Rafe replied, "I love you too Kate."

They turned to look at each other and neither the boy nor girl was sure who leaned in first, but somehow they were leaning in, their lips brushing together in a gentle kiss.

And there, together, all the nightmares and bad times were inconsequential, because whatever happened, these two in love souls would find each other and save each other, again and again.

A thousand times over.

A/N: this idea of a thousand times over has been floating around in my head for ages now, and getting it down - that's pretty awesome. I hope you liked it as much as I do.