Circles - Post Malone

Sixty Seven

"That's me!" she says standing and holding up her name tag. The guy with the mic hurries over and hands it to her. "Thank you," she whispers but holds the microphone at a weird angle and it makes a loud screaming sound that has everyone groaning and holding their ears. Except for Austin, he is staring at her dead on with a stoney face, lips drawn in a thin angry line. "Shit. Sorry. Sorry," Dahlia apologizes to the room. "Uhhhh. Hi. Hello. My name is uhhhh," she looks at her name card, "Janet Howel-"

"You don't have to introduce yourself. Just ask the question," someone shouts out, cutting her off. "Chill! I am getting to it! Pack your ego in," she says. She looks up at the stage. Harry is looking at her with an annoyed look which is fair, he and Austin have become good friends and no doubt he has had to deal with an upset Gina. She flicks her eyes to Austin who has kept his angry glare on her. "Uhh. Your band name...why did you choose that specific name and what does it mean?" she asks. The room falls silent and all eyes shift to the band. Austin keeps his glare on Dahlia and for the first time ever she kind of wishes he would look away.

"It's from my past," he says eventually, "when I moved to New York I missed my past and wanted to intertwine it into everything in my life so I named the band Desideratum Hart. Desideratum means - something desired. And Hart is Hart so essentially the band's name translates to Desired Hart," Austin explains, his voice monotone. The mic guy tries to take the mic from Dahlia but she bats his hand away. "I have another question," she says and ignores the groaning in the room. "Is there a reason you spelled Hart, H-A-R-T and not H-E-A-R-T?" she asks. Austin keeps his glare on her still, her skin feels like it's melting a little. "Yes, there is a reason. Next question," he says flicking his eyes to the mic guy for a second and then back to Dahlia.

Dahlia holds the mic guy off. "Wait. I have another question. If you miss your past so much why not find a way to bring your past with you? To be part of your future,"

"I tried. But my past did not want to move forward with me."

"Maybe your past was scared. Maybe your past needed time."

"I gave my past ample time. I was very patient with my past. My past made a choice that did not include me so I had to move on."

"What if your past came back? What if your past was sorry? What then?"

"Some things are best left in the past. If my past came back I would thank the past for some pretty tough but good life lessons then I would close that chapter forever and move on while leaving the past where it belongs...in the past."

"But don't you love your past?"

"I do... I did... I will always love my last. But I have a future now," he turns his head and looks to the side of the stage. Dahlia follows his vision and sees a beautiful blond-haired girl standing next to Gina who is trying to hide her teary face. Dahlia thinks she is going to be sick. Austin has moved on? He has replaced her? "I love my past, but it was very painful and so again I say - if my past ever came back  I would ask my past to respect all the work I have done to move forward and let me be happy in my future," Austin says.

Dahlia is sure the room is quiet but her ears are ringing so loudly it's painful. It's too late. She has finally realized that she has been the girl he was in love with for over a decade but it's too late. She should leave, and accept Austin's request and his choice. But she would never forgive herself if she did not tell him what she came here to say. She loves him and even if he no longer feels or never actually felt anything for her she needs him to know how she feels. She would say it out loud but this is not a movie, she does not think Austin would appreciate her blabbing about their private life in a room of journalists - fucking gossip queens. She opens her mouth to speak. But Austin shakes his head and holds up his hand, stopping her.

"Sometimes there is no next time, no do-overs. Sometimes there is only one chance, one shot. And that's ok...that's what's best. It's painful to move forward, but it's even more painful to look back," Austin says.

"But-"

"I am sorry you wasted your time coming here today, Miss Howel. But there is nothing left for you here."

"I just-"

"Miss Howel!" Austin slams his hand on the table, "please go," he says. Dahlia is going to get sick. He is looking at her with so much hate. He hates her. She had him then let him slip through her fingers and now it's just too late. She has lost him.

She does not know how she gets outside but before she even realizes it Edward and William's hands are on her. "What happened? What did he say?" Edward says. "It's too late. I am too late," Dahlia says into his chest. "That asshole! I am going to kill him!" William says angrily. "William stop. He is right... I had my chance and I blew it with him. I am the only one to blame here. Can we just go please," she says.

Edward and William take her to a nearby hotel and she crawls into bed while Edward fusses over her and William fusses over Edward. She covers her head with the pillow and the blanket. She can feel Edward still hovering. "Edward, please. Leave me alone, let me wallow in self-pity," she sniffles out. "Oh Dahlia please let me do something. I just can't go to my room and leave you here like this," he says. Dahlia knows he will be in and out all night if she does not give him a task. "Fine, can you get hold of Gina? I know she is angry at me but I really want her with me right now," she says. "Yes. Yes! I will phone her right now," he says and she can hear him dialing his phone as he walks out of the bedroom. She knows Gina - even if Gina is still angry with her she will put it aside and come. She closes her eyes and cries herself to sleep.

Later Dahlia wakes up but keeps her head under the pillow. She can hear someone shuffling around the room. The bed dips softly as the person sits down and then she can feel a hand rest on her hip.

"Edward, please let me be just for tonight."

"It's me."