Skulls and Scars

Opportunities: Elise.

* Trigger Warning: mentions of sexual violence, trauma*

My phone alarm was blaring as usual. It was 6:00 am.
I opened my eyes, feeling like I've slept in heaven. Reached out for my phone and stopped the alarm while sitting on the side of the bed. I was still processing the whole exotic conversation from last night; it felt like a weird dream.
I suddenly remembered I needed a clean set of clothes; I couldn't leave the house wearing nothing besides a man's borrowed shirt.
And that man was... Ghost.
The thought of him made my stomach turn into a horny knot. I had to twist my legs together; he was making me feel in the mood for unspeakable messy sex without raising a single muscle towards me! His muscles... Those abs...! And the mask... So scary and yet so sexy... He was a 'walking kink package'!
Good God, I urgently needed a cold shower to calm down... I was getting hypersexual again, and that would put me into trouble. My therapist emphasized that issue numerous times. But it was so damn hard...! 
My (unholy) thoughts were interrupted by knocks on the bedroom door. I opened it, trying to hide myself behind it. It was Johnny; he was holding the same plastic basket where I've put my wet clothes in it the night before.

- Good day, bonnie lassie! Yer lookin' alright today!

- Good morning to you too, Johnny. - I smiled; his cheerful demeanor was captivating. - I'll be right out; I just need to figure out what to wear...

- I'm right here because o' that! - he raised the basket; my clothes were dry and smelling as fabric softener. - Can I come in?

I opened the door of the bedroom a bit more, allowing his entrance. I wanted him to notice me. Johnny was wearing a turtleneck knitted shirt with the sleeves rolled up and cargo pants. The scent of his cologne was a bit stronger than last night; but it was still enticing to my senses. He rested the basket over the bed while talking about upcoming breakfast, and once he turned towards my direction, he clearly was caught up off guard by what I was wearing.

His face was tinted red, his mouth was opened, but speechless. He immediately put his hands on his pockets and tried to have his back turned away, avoiding looking at me. I remembered that Ghost did the same thing, but he was sat and was shamelessly staring at me... I guess the sight of a girl only wearing a huge shirt was a serious turn-on to them... And I wasn't even a skinny model, to be honest; was just curvy with a small pouchy belly... But that lifted my self-esteem in a hundred percent! 

- Thank you for doing this, Johnny! You didn't have to, but I appreciate it.

- Eh, n-no problem, lassie... - he was completely lost, stuttering a lot. - G-Ghost sent your stuff to a laundry service, eh. We'll be waiting for ye downstairs f-for some breakfast.

MacTavish readily left the bedroom without looking back. He closed the door behind him, I chuckled upon seeing him acting so timid. "And that's on vengeance for making me blush, Scottish boy!", I thought to myself while sorting out my clean clothes.

I took a quick shower and dressed up. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that my outfit was successfully hiding all my curves; no wonder they reacted that way when they saw me wearing a lot less. I've always been busty and had a big butt, and what was my biggest pride and joy in the past due to my heritage, it became my biggest shame and curse. 

I was flattered for being seen as desirable by them, but I still felt unworthy of their gaze. I was still thinking that I'll never be able to deserve to be seen that way ever again. Every time I closed my eyes, I still could feel the stalking, the gropes, the vile laughs, the slaps on my face, the painful hair pulling... The blood, the humiliation, the pain...

Especially the pain. The powerlessness. The emptiness of feeling violated. A lifetime of nightmares that I still have yet to recover, but I still vividly remember everything to this day.
My eyes got teary, and my chest started to hurt. I needed to ground myself before I'd drown into a whole panic attack early in the morning. I used the cope mechanisms that my therapist taught me, but I took a while to regain control of my emotions.