Skulls and Scars

Beyond Repair.

⚠️Smut Alert! 🍆

I decided for a hot shower to relax so I could sleep faster. I honestly didn't want to deal with my feelings at all; it was too much to process. And even having my meds within reach, I wasn't too trusting of my decision-making. I was too tired to be functional and logical.
I opened the door cautiously, fearing to see Ghost still there. Thankfully, the room was empty. I just started to take off my clothes in an automatic fashion. While the shower was heating up, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror.

I was the pin up body type, but covered in scars. Some of them were interlinking, looking like a glued crack in a vase. the pouchy belly was my biggest insecurity, I hated to have that. My naturally tanned skin was missing the sun. My hair needed hydration; it was so dull and dry... Great, I noticed a pimple on my forehead; my metabolism was needlessly acting up.

I also noticed some bruises that probably happened when I was making out with Ghost. I touched my lips, remembering his kiss. But then Johnny's face popped up in mind; his hugs, his quick kiss before bed... I was so self-conscious at that moment... How could those two men find me attractive? I had nothing to offer! And what's worst: Why I was getting myself involved with them that way?!?
The self-loathing talk was taking over; I rushed to the shower before it got worse. I was piling up absurd to my own ego.

I wore an old band t-shirt, sports panties and a pair of loose socks. I went straight under the comforter and curled up.
45 minutes later and nothing. I tossed and turned on the bed, with my mind racing all kinds of thoughts; some of them were really the intrusive type.

I've sat on the bed trying to figure out a way to fall asleep... And tea was the only option.
I didn't want to go downstairs, but I forced myself to go for it.
I was filling the kettle with water when I heard a creaking sound of a door, followed by a slamming sound from the same direction. The heavy steps could mean one thing: Ghost was around.

I took a deep breath and kept going with my tea preparation. I didn't want to deal with him, not tonight; but the universe had other plans.

-... ... - he sat in a barstool and kept his head low.

- Would you want some tea?

He raised his masked head to look at me; his eyes were expressing exhaustion and emptiness. He was fidgeting, probably trying to avoid talking.

- I'll make a cup for you, if that's ok.

-... ... - he slightly nodded.

The silence was daunting and his awkwardness wasn't making any better. I proceeded to make a cup of tea for him, and the silence was finally broken. His voice was raspier than before.

-... I'm sorry. I've been treating you like shit. You don't deserve it.

-... ... - I paused my actions to listen to him.

- You must have figured out that I'm not okay in the head.

-... ... - I've sat in one of the barstools, still listening.

- Say something, will ya...?

- I'm just giving you some space to talk, Ghost. I'm listening.

At some moment Ghost's stare softened. I couldn't imagine the amount of traumas and horrors he had endured alone throughout his life, but I knew that a listening pair of ears and some empathy was always welcoming. I would've loved if somebody did that for me too. He then proceeded:

- I don't think we should go on with... With what we had.

- Elaborate, please.

- I'm not a "dating" type of man. I'm attached to my job. I battle my demons every minute of my days. Your presence in my existence could jeopardize my focus and myself entirely.