Woe is desire

Ch 4

  I lost Enid in the halls quickly and made it to our room first and I just collapsed into my bed, moving fast didn't help I could feel my stomach cramping again like it always does when this happens. I just curled up into a ball and help myself for a while until I heard the door open. Must have been ten minutes later but Enid finally caught up and sat on the bed with me. She began rubbing my back through the blanket that I had pulled up over my face. "How long did you go this time," she asked me
"I don't know." I responded quickly
"Don't okay that game with me we both know you hate games," she demanded
"Fine, I think it's been a week." I answered reluctantly
"Wens, that's even longer than last time you can't keep doing this and you are more than half a pizza which is very new to me and very concerning." She spewed out at me
"It's fine Enid I just lost track of the days again and the walk to Jericho this morning made me hungry again." I explained although the second part was a lie.
"I'll lecture you on that when you're not in pain." She promised before giving me one last little back rub and walking off to her side of the room for a little while. My phone started going crazy though and it was all concerned texts from Xavier that I wanted to answer but couldn't make myself right now.
"Do you want me to answer those for you?" She offered
"No they can wait." I responded gripping my phone close to my chest.
I ended up neglecting my phone despite the constant noise, I started ignoring Enid and sinking back into myself into a darker place than usual. Enid describes me as looking like I'm in a place too dark for even me and she's right, it's a pit of self loathing, disgust, sadness, pressure and exhaustion. I guess those moods catch up to everyone and food seems to trigger me if I don't control myself correctly.
"Wednesday...Wendsayyyyy? Anyone home in there?" Enid asked me waving her hand over my face.
"No one's here" I responded with the blanket still pulled up over my chin, partly for comfort but also for the hickeys.
"Well when she gets home tell her I'm out with Yoko and giving her some space because she clearly would rather be alone, which is fine and I hope she feels better. Oh and I'm taking Thing so we can do his nailS." She said on her way out the door and I responded with my usual thumbs up.
Now I'm really alone and for once I didn't like it, I missed Xavier. I would never have admitted this to myself even last week but now I wish he was here with me.
Just as if I summoned him though he cracked open my window and snuck into my room quietly, even I didn't notice him at first. Suddenly though that familiar brown hair was hanging over my face attached to his smiling face. "Hey Wens, I got concerned so I came by. You've been ignoring your phone for hours so I talked to Yoko and asked her to take Enid and Thing out so I could be alone with you." His smile faded while talking turning into genuine concern. I tried to get up to greet him but my body started cramping again and I was overwhelmed by a feeling of pain and weakness. I only made it halfway up before flopping back down.
"Hey take it easy, I'll come to you." He said before climbing into my bed and scooping me up and putting me into his lap
"Now talk to me about everything so I know how to take care of you when you need me. I know that won't be often but you're not invincible." He asked
"Depends what you want to know first." I responded
"Well let's start with what hurts and why." He asked before gently placing a hand on my stomach and pulled me closer
"Right there, if I don't eat for a little while and then I start again it gives me stomach cramps if I'm not care. I wasn't careful and now I get to sit in bed depressed all day." I told him in my normal monotone voice
"How long has it been since before this afternoon?"
"A week." I mumbled quietly, "maybe a little longer." I felt his arms tighten around me and his thumb rubbed gently on the skin of my stomach to comfort me. "Oh god no wonder you're in pain and so weak right now you have had nothing, I'm sure Enid lectured you again but I can't let you keep that habit up" he scolded me sadly I felt bad hurting him like that.
"It's not that I want to anymore Xavier, but years of doing this has left me unable to help myself anymore, I'm stuck with the pain it puts my body and mind through. And it's not the good kind." I responded
He didn't say anything for a moment but it turned me in his lap to hug me, "Geez Wens, I'm surprised you survived what we did last night." He said with half of a laugh and I let a little laugh slip out too surprising him and making him laugh harder.
It had been a few hours at this point and Enid hadn't returned, she sent me a text saying they were staying over there and to text her if I needed her. Xavier stayed with me for the night, we shared many moments from soft comfort kisses to harder more passionate sessions. I hated proving my mom right but for a moment I believed I could be "more than a friend" material.
"Are you up for some food Wednesday, something small so you don't overdue it but big enough to make you feel better." Xavier offered and I didn't know how to answer obviously I felt hunger but I wanted to decline his offer. I sat there for a moment quietly until he made his own choice and snuck out to get us dinner.