Woe is desire

Ch 8

  I got a text from Enid, it read the date of the trial, "October 7th" which is a month from now. This gives us plenty of time to prepare. The three of us have had to spend a lot of time together getting our stores straight and preparing for any possible question or outcome. I like to think we're well prepared but only time will tell.
As the date neared I grew increasingly more anxious and it had an effect on my eating for over a week I completely stopped again and I shut myself in, I can still feel Xavier's panic. This started soon after our conversation with Weems and the realization that I would need to see Tyler again set in. I didn't realize how much he scared me now, he manipulated me into thinking I loved him and almost scared me away from loving Xavier.
I started to really lose myself in these thoughts like I was drowning, "Oh god where even am I, fuck, I need help. I feel so lost." My breath quickened and I started panicking even more. "Wednesday!" Echoed in my head like someone was trying to talk to me, "Oh god Wednesday please wake up." I felt the other persons panic, it was Xavier. I instantly shook out of my trance to find myself laying in Xavier's arms in the Nightshade library. "Oh thank god you're back, what the hell just happened?" He cried to me
"I-I-I'm not sure Xavier. One minute I think I was looking at information on Hyde's the next I was drowning. Oh god it was dark, too dark for even me." I cried back at him and reached to hug him. He hugged me back and I continued to dry sob and hyperventilate. "Wens, did you have a panic attack?" He asked me and I couldn't even force myself to ask him what he meant I still couldn't calm down.
The stone statue creaked as it moved to let other nightshades in, it was Ajax and Enid. She came running as fast as she could to me. "Omg Wednesday are you okay."
"Hang on Enid give her a second she just got pulled out of her panic attack she needs to calm down." Xavier warned. Enid listened and instead placed a friendly hand on my back. To soothe me. I don't even know what to tell them, I don't want to say I got triggered by Tyler he doesn't deserve that validation. Ajax sat by Xavier to support his friend and I couldn't help but to bury my face in Xavier to hide my shame. "Oh Wednesday, don't do that it's okay." Enid said gently and shook my shoulders a bit.
"Can we just talk about it later and go back to my room?" I asked and the group of course agreed. Everything was dizzy and spinning as I got up with some help, "I'm sorry I can't even remember the last time that's happened to me." I said
"So this has happened before though?" Enid asked and I nodded
"We'll all keep that in mind you're getting more fragile as this trail comes closer. Is it related?" Xavier asked me
"We'll talk later," I responded
"Okay got it don't worry Wens he'll be brought to justice." He said back and pulled me into one last hug before we agreed to just get out of there.
  Ajax and Enid went out first to make sure it wasn't busy and then Xavier and I followed, "Oh so you guys were the ones making noise down there. Xavier, Ajax you know that's nightshade only library." Bianca said poking around the corner, "come on Bianca Wednesday needed to do some research before we appear at Tyler's trial and her and Enid have done more than enough to have the right." Xavier responded. She turned her attention to me as we tried to walk past, unable to keep my head low enough so she wouldn't see Bianca asked, "Wait Wednesday, you okay?"
"Yes, now if you'll excuse us we have business to get to." I responded as normally as I could and left the group in the dust.
I got to my room first and felt sit to my stomach, I believe it's from the panic attack or the lack of eating but I don't know or care. I ran to the bathroom and threw up while I was still alone. I hope this gets it out of my system I can't stand feeling weak, this is low even for me. I rinsed my mouth and got back in bed just as I heard the door click open to reveal Xavier and Enid, "We sent Ajax back to his dorm so you'd feel more comfortable talking to us." Enid said gently.
They sat by my side in bed and the sickening feeling washed over me again so I leaned into my boyfriend for support, "I don't know what came over me down there. Reading up on Hyde's I just let the memories of how he manipulated me get to me. After watching his hurt you Enid and trick me into framing Xavier I'm honestly terrified to see him." I admitted painfully, "No one blames you for any of that or how you're body is reacting. He traumatized you, and you Enid. I'll protect you girls out there is no one else comes. I'm sure I'll get Ajax there of course though." Xavier promised us. This prompted a group hug of sorts, normally I wouldn't like this and I don't think I'll allow it again but I'm every emotionally vulnerable at them moment so I'll give them this.