Tale Of A Moon

41

2010

It's been months since he left but it's been zero seconds since I didn't stop loving him. I lied awake in my bed with the winter sun hitting my face. Ang halik nito sa aking labi ay nagpapaalala sa init na binibigay niya sa akin dati.

Huminga ako ng malalim and rolled on my bed. Nakatitig lang ako sa pader. Iniisip kung bakit ako nasa ganitong posisyon ngayon.

But my tears rolled back and my frowned disappeared when I heard someone knocking at the door.

Napatingin ako sa orasan at sigurado ako na hindi si Ate Aspen 'yun kasi may susi siya at... may trabaho siya.

I put on a robe and turned the doorknob, only to be greeted by a courier. Napakunot ang noo ko, kasi sigurado ako na I wasn't expecting any package.

"Good morning, Ma'am. Are you Luna Blair Oberlin? I'm here to deliver your package," he said sa akin. "You can just sign here." Tapos ay tinuro ang signing sheet, claiming that I have received the package.

I wasn't expecting anything. Especially in this weird rectangular shape and bulky package. Tapos ang paligid nito ay puno ng fragile na stickers. Tinignan ko ang address kung saan ito galing and nakita ko na galing ito sa Pilipinas.

As if it were something flammable and infectious, I dropped the package.

Napaupo ako sa sofa and bit my lip. Huminga ako ng malalim.

Isa. Malalim.

Ulit. Pangalawa.

I kept on doing breathing exercises para ang utak ko ay makalma at mapunta sa tamang wisyo. Hanggang sa nakahanap ako ng kaunting lakas at kinuha ko ang phone ko. Agad kong tinawagan si Kuya.

After three rings, he answered.

"Hello? Sino po sila?" Tanong niya sa akin at ang boses niya ay hindi pa punong-puno.

Nagising ko siya. "Kuya, bakit may pinadala sa akin si Ate? Gamit ang address nila? Sa mansion nila?"

May narinig akong palitan ng mahihina at antok na boses sa kanilang linya. Habang ako naman ay kagat-kagat ang labi at nakatitig lamang sa package na ngayon ay parang blade na nagbubukas ng sugat ko na naman.

"Hindi raw siya ang nagpadala sa'yo niyan. Sila Mama, 'tsaka sinabi mo raw na okay lang sa'yo dati na ipadala 'yan sa'yo."

Hindi ko na hinayaan ang sarili ko na magbigay pa ng komento sa sinabi niya. Basta ko na lang binababa ang tawag namin.

I leaned forward and sighed harder.

And stared.

Then stared...

Pero kalaunan ay tumayo rin ako at kinuha ang blade. Dahan-dahan... binuksan ko ang package.

With every breath that I took, the more I hold it. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang alam ko.

I can't even remember that I said yes for sending this package. Kaya mas lalo nagising suspense ang lahat ng bagay.

All the fragile tape and the brown box laid against the carpeted floor.

A grey cloud started to hurry on my way. Kaya pala everything seemed dimmer, when I started to unravel what was inside.

Ang unang bumungad sa akin ay ang isang wood na panel with canvas cloth surrounding it.

Napakunot ang noo ko but I already knew by touch what it was.

I already knew from the smell of paint chemical kung ano ito. I already heard this sound as soon as I turned it.

Nararamdaman ko sa aking dila na something was burning in my heart. And that flame engulfed me more nang bumungad sa akin kung ano ang laman ng painting na 'yun

It was him... Before my eyes...

Alex.

He feels so real.

Parang andito talaga siya.

Ang utak ko ay nawawala.

Ang hininga ko ay nililipasan ako.

Ang aking kamay ay nanginginig.

My head feels heavy.

The side of my eye feels watery.

I tried to breathe in and out.

Ginawa ko ang breathing exercises ko para makalma ko ang sarili ko and to bring myself back into this reality.

But I'm like the sky who tried to hold back all the grey emotions that it contained. We failed miserably to hold back the tears.

My head hang low habang ang aking braso ay yumakap sa kaniya. Huminga ako ng malalim and didn't care kung masira ang painting dahil sa aking mga luha.

I can't anymore...

I keep denying that he's not gone.

I keep being angry on myself kasi hindi ko siya sinamahan.

All I did... just to bring hime back to me. All I said... to everything powerful there is just for me to feel his warmth again.

Lahat na lang!

Lahat-lahat.

But... nothing. Gone...

They really took him away from me.

He had flown away and became the sky while I'm left alone... with nothing but my tears that became the stars.

I tried to look at the others, because hindi lang self-portrait niya ang pinadala sa akin. Kasama rin ang iba.

My hands clenched as I stared at a sketch of a house. Nanginginig ang kamay na kinuha ko ito.

Hinayaan ang luha na gawing himulmol ang makapal na papel.

Its weird to touch it because all I remember was his back hug as his breath kissed my neck. I keep on going back to that night... As if I'm there because it was one of our fondest and favorite moments together.

There was supposed to be a future for us.

Planado na namin lahat.

Dapat sabay kaming nagtratrabaho ngayon... or not. Kahit magdildil kami ng asin... wala na akong pake ngayon...

As long as bring him back to me.

I don't care about this stable job and fortunate life.

Kung wala siya sa akin?

Kung walang sumsusunod sa bawat yapak ko!

Ibalik niyo na siya sa akin...

Please...

Please...

Ibalik...

Bring him back to me!

Nilagay ko sa dibdib ko iyong drawing na binigay niya sa akin at huminga ng malalim.

"Please... please..." Bring him. Bring him back to me.

If they can bring the sun to a stormy day... why can't they bring him back to me?