UNCOVER JANE DOE

Chapter 3: Fool in love

"Can ask for my freedom?"

She looked at me as if digesting every word i've said.

"Already found someone new? I guess you did. Hindi ka mag-aabalang magpunta dito kung hindi mahalaga ang pakay mo. Who is she?" She's starting to turn red despite her calm demeanor.

"No. Wala. I just realized we needed space. Hindi na healthy ang relasyon na meron tayo, Ara."

"Ah! Talaga ba?" Her expressionless face turned into a mocking smile.

"O-oo!"

Humakbang s'ya palapit sa akin at tumigil lang ng nasa harap ko na s'ya. Her enclosed fist and cold emotionless stare... how she grits her teeth evident on her tightening jaw, indicating how pissed she is right now, made me swallow hard and think about leaving her here and running away.

Takot na takot ako kapag ganito s'ya. Sobrang kinakabahan ako at nababahala and at the same time readying myself for I know anytime soon, her fist will land in any part of my body. I backed off a little, feeling uneasy and nervous, anticipating a punch from her any minute.

"Oh bakit ka lumalayo, hon? Hindi ba gusto mong pag-usapan natin 'yang pagkalas mo sa relasyong 'to? Halika dito. Lumapit ka. Humarap ka sa akin ng maayos."

I didn't move a hand nor take a step forward like she wanted me to.

"Dito lang ako, Ar. Seryoso ako. Gusto ko ng kumalas. Hindi na ako masaya sa relasyong meron tayo."

Nagulat ako ng inilang hakbang lang n'ya ang pagitan namin at hinawakan ako sa damit ng pabalya. She's almost choking me with it.

"Gusto mo ng kumalas? Hindi ka na masaya?" She ask me in a thundering voice.

Bumuka ang bibig ko para sagutin ang tanong n'ya pero imbis na makasagot, bigla n'ya akong kinabig at pilit na hinalikan sa labi.

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She fucking forced me to make love with her. Lalo lang akong nainis sa sarili ko kasi wala na naman akong nagawa para pigilin s'ya.

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(I had to remove the sex scene coz it's too graphic.)

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She let out a hand which I ignored but she insisted on pulling me up with her.

"Tara sa sala. Doon tayo mag-usap."

Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang sumunod nalang sa kanya matapos isuot muli ang pantalon ko at maisarado ang butones ng suot kong jacket habang inaayos ang nagulo kong buhok.

Tahimik lang akong naghintay sa kanya sa couch matapos s'yang tumalikod patungo sa kusina.

"Water?"

Tumango nalang ako sabay kuha ng bottled water na inilahad n'ya sa akin.

I drank my water in silence, trying to scribble the words I wanted to say from the very start. Bigla akong nawindang dahil sa nangyari. She lean on the wall beside me. She's quiet like I am but I can feel her curious stare without me looking at her.

"I-I need my freedom, Ar."

She exhaled a long deep sigh and kneel in front of me. Holding my hands as she look at me straight into the eyes. "Is my love not enough, Narda? Nagkukulang na ba ako sa'yo?"

I shook my head. "You are more than enough, Ara. Ang dami nating pinagdaanan yet you choose to stay. Wala akong mairereklamo sa'yo bukod sa..."

"Bukod sa pananakit ko sa'yo. I know, Narda. I know." Nagpakawala ulit s'ya ng malalim na hininga. "I'm trying my best to control my anger para hindi na kita masaktan pa. You know how hard i'm trying. I even let you flirt with every girl you want, hindi na nga ako nagrereklamo na marami kami sa buhay mo, 'di ba? Ano pa ba ang gusto mo?"

I looked at her. "Pagod na kasi ako, Ar. This is not working anymore. I can bear with the beatings, alam mo 'yan. I felt numb after years and years of it. You know the reason why i've intertained them. Hindi dahil sa sadyang malandi at mapaglaro ako... it's because I needed the comfort and care na supposed to be ay binibigay mo sa akin, but you choose to cover up your shortcomings with the beatings. Babae ako, Ara. I needed love and affection. I needed care and understanding. They gave me that, pero ikaw na girlfriend ko? Ano? You've choosen to hurt me. Not only emotionally but physically."

"Hay! I'm sorry. We'll work this things out. Please give me another chance. Don't give up on us yet. Please."

"Ilang chances pa ba? Ilan pa ang kailangan para magbago ka at bumalik sa dating ikaw na minahal ko noong una?"

I saw how guilty she is by the way she looks at me. "People change, Narda."

"But you can choose to change for the better, Ar. Doesn't look like it's what you're doing."

"One last chance, Narda. Magbabago na ako para sa'yo. Please."

She started crying as she held my face. "I love you, hon. I can't live without you. Don't leave me please."

I looked at her. I became soft again. Bakit kasi tuwing nakikita ko s'yang umiiyak lumalambot ang puso ko?

"Shhh! Stop crying na, hon. I won't leave you."

She smiled and hugged me tight. She kiss me on the forehead. "Thank you! Hindi mo pagsisisihan 'to, hon. I swear."

Halos matampal ko nalang ang noo ko. Ang tanga ko talaga pagdating sa kanya.

"Bakit ba hindi ko s'ya magawang iwan? Dahil ba mahal ko pa rin s'ya? O dahil hindi n'ya rin ako iniiwan despite sa mga nangyari? Or hindi ko pa talaga natatagpuan ang taong ipaglalaban ko patayin man ako ng isang 'to? Hay! Ewan!"