Accidentally in Love [Brett Hand x OC]

31

"To the left." Reagan instructed as they all sat in the surveillance room. "Now a little... a little to the right. Okay. Now make your entrance as quietly as possible."

Rafe did not follow this instruction, he burst into the house loudly, "Nice of me to drop in."

"Rafe, what the fuck?" Reagan snapped, "You're supposed to be a secret agent. And why are you wearing a tuxedo? This is a covert mission, it's not the Emmys."

"Sorry, love. Loudly is the only way I know how to enter." Rafe replied, making the room giggle at the remark.

"Come on, man." Reagan cowered as her friends laughed, "Can we just keep things professional, please? Twelve bogeys approaching, initiate shoe-merang."

"Shoe-merang?" Theo scoffed, looking at her sister.

"It was kind of a name came first, idea came second kind of thing." Reagan muttered.

"Sorry, gentlemen, just need to tie these laces." Rafe bent down and unleashed a blade, which quickly took out every person in the building.

"Ohhh, like boomerang." Theo observed.

"Good observation, Sherlock." Myc muttered, and Theo glared at him.

"May God rest your soles." Rafe said.

"Yes!" Brett breathed in admiration, and everyone applauded Rafe and his puns.

"This man is the Michael Jordan of casual murder!" Glenn wiped a tear from his eye.

"Okay, Rafe, now you just need to find the machine." Reagan ordered.

"Well, if it isn't the constant thorn in my side, Rafe Masters." A textbook evil looking guy appeared.

"Dr. SkullFinger. Seems I've managed to penetrate your defenses." Rafe replied.

"I assure you, that's the last thing you'll be penetrating." Dr. SkullFinger said.

"Are you sensing kind of a... vibe between these two?" Gigi asked tentatively, and Theo nodded,

"Yep. They're banging." She said.

"Ugh, I don't know. Everything this guy says is horny." Reagan groaned, clearly impatient.

"Behold Project Gaslight." Dr. SkullFinger pulled a lever to reveal a large rocket looking thing.

"Looks like a dick." Andre and Myc said simultaneously, "Beat you to it." They rolled in fits of laughter.

"Ever since I fell in that vat of skulls and became wickedly twisted, I dreamed of this day." Dr. SkullFinger said.

"Why are villains always falling in vats of something?" Theodora whispered to Gigi, who shrugged.

"Rafe, it's time. Release the nanobots." Reagan hissed.

"SkullFinger, prepare to receive my load." Rafe said menacingly.

"Is that what he said to you last night?" Theo grinned, and Reagan looked over to her, exhausted. Rafe released the nanobots, destroying the machine.

"What? No, my beautiful machine!" Dr. SkullFinger exclaimed, "Where on earth did you acquire such advanced technology?"

"From my new girlfriend." Rafe looked into the camera on his watch.

"Whoa, we did not discuss that." Reagan's eyes went wide, while the rest of them laughed.

"Damn you, Masters." Dr. SkullFinger yelled as Rafe handcuffed him.

"I couldn't have done this without your wonderful gadgets, Reagan, and now that we've gotten rid of the skull, it's time to finger."

Everyone burst out laughing again, and Reagan sighed, "Okay, fuck it, I gotta break things off with this guy."

So Reagan took him out for coffee to break the news to Rafe, but it apparently didn't go well and the next day they sat around a table at McUltra's as Reagan told them all about her failed attempt to break up with Rafe.

"So let me get this straight." Myc said, "You finally get laid by the first guy this year who doesn't run on a charger, and you want to ditch him?"

"The guy is totally smothering me. I just want Dr. No Fucking Clue to Brexit my life without me having to feel guilty about it." Reagan said.

"I don't understand this at all." Brett frowned, "You're so lucky. I'd do anything to spend more time with Rafe. Has he mentioned me?"

"I think he's a phoney asshole. You should get rid of him." Theodora said.

"I mean, he's not that cool." Brett added quickly, which was a lie, glancing at Theo.

"Girl, if you wanna really get rid of this dude, there's only one solution left." Gigi said seriously. "Ghost Protocol."

"Ghost Protocol?"

"You use Cognito's resources to fake your own death then go off the grid until he moves on." Gigi explained, "Trust me, this is how I've helped all the biggest dead celebrities escape the spotlight. The world thinks Tupac and Biggie are gone, but they're living their best lives in Upstate New York with three Pomeranians."

"Aw!" Brett and Theo said simultaneously.

"We've all used the program for ourselves." Glenn admitted, "I ghosted Ann Coulter. She made me role-play as a liberal just so she could drink my tears."

"Uh, I used it too. I had to ghost my old Burning Man crew at the Orgy Dome." Andre shrugged, "What's the point of anonymous sex if you add each other on Facebook afterwards?!"

"I had to ghost Joe Rogan." Myc shuddered, "He loved tripping on mushrooms, but once he was high, he'd make me watch these Jordan Peterson videos with him. I had to end it."

"So, what do you think?" Gigi asked.

"Hmm. Fake my death to avoid getting texts from a man..." Reagan considered, "Fuck it. Ghost Protocol me!"

•

Reagan's death was a success, and now they all attended her 'funeral' to make it extra believable. Rafe was crying his heart out, making Reagan shudder as she watched from a distance.

"Okay, the crisis actors are all in place." She turned to the group, "These are pre-written eulogies. Please recite them verbatim." She handed them each a small slip of paper.

"Hi. I'm Andre. Gee, I hope I don't roll this eulogy up and smoke it." Andre read off his paper, "Is this what you really think of me? I'm not just a drug guy, you know? I speak Latin."

"Yeah, sure."

"Whatever, dude, you love weed. We get it." Myc sighed. Then it was time for each of them to read their eulogies.

"Reagan Ridley had a brilliant mind, but she also knew how to rock a bold lip." Gigi read, before scoffing, "You wish."

"Reagan was an American hero. We didn't agree politically, but..." Glenn read, "Hmm, just ends there."

Theodora went up next, "My sister clearly inherited all the intellectual genes and left none for me." She read with a frown, "Oh well, at least I'm hot. Not sure Reagan would have been able to say the same." A couple of gasps sounded from the crowd.

"What can I say about Reagan that I haven't already written on a bathroom stall at work?" Myc went completely off-script, scrunching up his piece of paper and throwing it aside.

Reagan shook her head from around the corner as she watched, no one was making this believable, but Rafe was too busy bawling and hugging Reagan's casket to care.