The Badger and the Snake: A Sebastian Sallow x reader

Chapter 33: Christmas

That night we followed my mothers wishes retiring to our own bedrooms waiting until I knew she was settled in before sneaking off to Sebastians room. I cracked the door open peeking my head in slightly. He was reading but looked over at me smirking and shaking his head at me. "You...are mischievous." He whispered.

I closed the door behind me quickly crawling in the bed with him cuddling into his warm embrace. I was surprised to see the room completely back in order after the destruction we had caused earlier. I took a deep breath in sighing as I exhaled into his arm. "What's on your mind love?" He asked sensing my racing mind.

"Why didn't you tell me, about wanting to be a healer?" I asked placing small kisses on his bare chest. " I don't know, I guess I didn't want to disappoint you,We had plans." He shrugged under his words still flicking though the pages. I looked up at him. "Well I'm not disappointed, I just want to understand." I replied trying to stifle my irritation.

He scoffed softly setting his book on his lap. "It was a dream, one that I would never accomplish! Not really. Even if I managed to do well on my scores and get into the training theres no way I could pass, auroras have to have impeccable decision making skills, impulse control, the greater good guiding them....but it wouldn't matter because the second I took the aptitude test I wouldn't even be considered for the program." He said his eyes filling with an emotion I couldn't quite place.

"You are an exceptional wizard Seb." I said touching his cheek. "No, I'm power hungry, impulsive, reckless, and... and dangerous." He said tripping over his words slightly flustered "You can not deny it, you've seen the choices I make under pressure." The look in his eyes intensified as he spoke.

"You were 15 Sebastian I don't think-" he cut me off "I wasn't 15 two days ago." He said firmly staring at me. "Yet I still made the same choice and against a muggle no less. And even worse, I'd do it again...a million times over. Those curses are ingrained in me Y/N. They relentlessly echo in my subconscious day in and day out. having a job where I'm tempted by them even more when I already have to fight the urge... it would be far too much." He sighed closing his book completely.

"But you..." he muttered softer turning into me. "you've held the most intense magic that could be conjured. you were given the opportunity to wield an immense power and you turned it away because you knew it's dangerous potential. I Would not have made the same choice. Even knowing you could wield it I was ready to use you as my own personal weapon." He said his face fading to disgust, not with me...with himself.

"But...I realized I had researched aliments and cures and curses and charms for years and I finally felt useful about something" he said lifting the book on healing slightly to emphasize his point "And then you got hurt and I needed to be a part of every moment in your healing. Nurse Blainey took noticed and suggested the program at St. Mungos... I was already taking the required courses for my N.E.W.Ts ...it all just fit." He finished letting out a deep breath sighing like he had been holding this all in and It was finally bursting out.

I smiled gently at him resting my head on his shoulder, irritation completely melting away. "Okay." I murmured softly trying processing everything he had just said. I knew the unforgivables had taken a toll on him, I just didn't realize how grave. I didn't know what he was going through. I refused to cast them, though he had given me plenty of opportunity to learn.

"That's it?" He questioned looking down at me his brows knitting together. "You've got no other arguments? Questions? Concerns?" He pressed me further. "I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could tell me...and that I was too focused on myself that I never bothered to ask or notice..." I sighed guilt washed over me.

His expression softened as he pulled me in closer. "It's not on you. I just wanted to make sure of what I wanted before wrapping you into it is all." He stated kissing the top of my head. "I feel like a horrible girlfriend." I huffed. "girlfriend?" He questioned looking down at me, my throat swelled with realization. "Sorry uhm, I mean we are exclusive right...?" I regretted the question as It came out of me.