DARE 💖 Style

Chapter Four 💖

Saturday, March 22nd
Kyle's POV
1788 Words
TW: a little sad
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I wake up with a groan as I take my head in my hand. I felt so tired still.. At least it's Saturday I guess. With a yawn I look over at my alarm clock. 2:12. Hm, no wonder I'm still tired, I've only slept 30 minutes...

Welp, time to get up. I slowly got up out of bed, heading to the bathroom as I started my routine. I didn't really look at my reflection as I undressed, I didn't want to see myself..

I got into the shower, turning it on and closing my eyes as the water almost immedeatly overwhelmed my body with relaxation and peace, the soft sound of the water falling to the ground being a comfort sound. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in as I opened my eyes and brushed my wet hair out of my eyes with my hands. It didn't take me long to start washing my body, then washing my hair, and then again, just standing there under the water, my eyes shut, relaxing into the water. A minute or two later I decided I had taken a long enough shower and stepped out, grabbing the towel I had on the counter and wrapping it around my body as I dried myself off and continued to get ready for the day.

After getting dressed I did my extensive face care routine and brushed my teeth before brushing out my hair and doing my best to tame it while it was still damp. I then walked out of the bathroom just to see Stan walk in the front door, getting home from work. I smiled at him "Morning Stan." He gave me the most confused look "Dude, did you even sleep?" I shrugged "For maybe 30 minutes? Doesn't matter, I'm not sleepy anymore and I have school work to do." I told him with a slight yawn. He chuckled "Alrighty then." He said yawning himself "I'm gonna change and then head to bed, just be quiet and get some more sleep because It's Kenny's birthday today and we're doing stuff for his birthday today." I chuckled "I know Stan." I walked over to him, hugging him close. 

"I love you." I told him softly "I don't say it enough." He stood there motionless for a second before hugging me back gently "I love you too Ky. You say it plenty." I pulled away and he did the same. I smiled, looking up at him. I love him so much. He looked so tired, but still had a soft smile on his face. Because of me. That made my stomach flutter, he was this happy because.of.me... I would screech right here and right now but that would be kinda weird. It was probably already that I was just staring at him now and- WAIT-- I'M STARING AT HIM. FUCK! I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM WAY TOO LONG- LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY-!!

I adverted my eyes from him for a moment "So uh, I'm going to change and go to bed now because I'm tired as shit." He said with a slight chuckle "Right, um.. Sleep good!" He nodded, setting his car keys on the table as he walked past and into his room, shutting the door. I sort of just stood there, motionless, staring at his door. Sure, he might know that I love him, and I might know he loves me, but it's still so awkward. I feel like thats my fault because I'm nervous to loose him by getting together too soon. But he likes me, and we've barely talked about what we even are since he asked me out on that also-kind-of-awkward picnic date. He's just seemed a little distant lately too. Looking over at the table with his keys on it I stared.

Did he hate me now?

No. There was no way right? He's just tired. I took a deep breath, rubbing my eyes as I did my best to hold back the tears that were begining to form. I know it isn't true but now that the thought is there I can't help but think that maybe I screwed something up, that maybe me saying I wanted to wait made him hate me, that I somehow made him mad at me. My eyes started to well up with tears. Please don't cry. Not here. Not now.

One by one, a few tears drippped down my face. I was tired and upset, but could you blame me? I tell the one guy I've known since I could remember that I was in love with him, and that I have been in love with him for years, yet it seems like he really is just not intrested, even though he tells me that he loves me too. "But in what way?" Is really what I should ask, because it seems recently he's just been avoiding me, or more or less, avoiding that discussion. More tears dripped down my face untill I was eventually just standing there, bawling my eyes out. 

Eventually, Stan came out of his room. I think he came out to use the bathroom, but as soon as he saw me, or more or less heard me since it was dark, crying, he rushed over. He hugged me closely "Kyle, what's wrong?" I sobbed hard into his chest. Now this was just pathetic.

"Kyle, breathe, please." I let out a big breath and nodded, taking deep breaths. I was so tired and stressed from college and crap, I'm hardly getting any sleep anymore because I refuse to, and now this? This was a breakdown just dying to happen. He sighed "Dude listen, I'm so tired, but I want to listen to whats wrong so uh.." I looked up at him "You can go to bed Stan, I'm sorry for being so annoying." I said crying more. "No, No, thats not what I meant..! I meant you could come sit or lay in bed with me." he told me softly. I sniffled "Okay." I said softly.

He then took my hand and led me into his chilly room. I shivered as I entered. Cold. He sat on top of his bed, having me sit down beside him. I leaned my head against his chest. My crying had ended for the most part. He rubbed my  back gently "What's wrong Kyle?" I took a deep breath or two before answering. "Stan I love you so much, and I hope you understand I mean that romantically. I feel like you didn't understand me or something, or maybe you don't even really feel that way about me because you seem so distant and you never want to talk about it and I feel like you hate me."  I blurted out. "And then not to mention I haven't been getting enough sleep because I'm stuck under piles and piles of homework I need to get done, and deadlines and satisfactory work and-" He stopped me "Kyle it's okay..!" I looked at him "It's okay to be stressed, it's okay to admit that." He started "But if getting less sleep is the main thing stressing you out since you don't sleep so you can do the work, maybe you need to figure something better out."

I let out a sigh "I guess you're right.." I said softly "I'm like, really behind on sleep, I wish I could sleep for a whole day but my body literally won't let me." He chuckled "Relatable." It went silent between us and he looked over at me "Do you really think I hate you?" I chuckled a little "Yes! I feel like you've just been avoiding me and acting so awkward, like you don't even like me or something! You say you love me back, you asked me out, but in what way do you love me back Stan..?" I asked, my voice cracking a little as I felt tears forming again "Do you love me romantically of are you just doing this to mess with me?" I asked sadly

He let out a big sigh and was silent for awhile, like he didn't know what to say. I frowned "I'm sorry I had any hope you could like me back.." I said quietly "I guess some things just aren't meant to be." I said softly, waiting for an answer but he just started, looking broken as he tried to figure out what to say. But to me, thats not what I saw. I was more or less picturing it since it was so dark in his room, but all I saw was a smirk on his face, like he was doing this just to fuck with me. My brain wasn't working well anymore, I was surviving off of 30 minutes of sleep at best. I was a mess.

"Well go on then, say it. I know you're just doing this for your own weird thing. I know you don't love me like that, because you won't even say a word." I said, a few tears streaming down my cheek. He sighed, thats the only way I still knew he was here. I stood up "I don't understand why you think toying with me is some sort of weird game- Because it fucking hurts dude. I love you so much, I've loved you for so long.. Can you blame me for wanting to hope that you liked me back..? Even for a second..!?" I sobbed out. He stood, a frown on his face. He opened his mouth to speak but I interrupted him "I don't even want to hear it out of your mouth, just leave me alone..!" I said before dashing out, going to my room and locking the door behind me.

I shut off my lights and layed on my bed covered in papers, sobbing my eyes out. I was so tired and everything seemed so horrible. Stan probably hated me, and he definitely did not like me in the way that I liked him. I don't even know how I could've thought, even for a second that he could've liked someone like me.

He's probably not even gay or anything. Why else would he just freeze up like that? I don't get it, he seemed so happy with me on our picnic date, what happened between then and now? What made him hate me, made him think that it was okay just to mess with me just because he thought it was funny or something. I cried for an hour or so before I eventually ended up falling asleep, feeling like shit.