DARE 💖 Style

Chapter Twenty-Eight 💖

Friday, May 28th
Stan's POV
1257 words
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I'm at a loss for what to do.

I told Cartman maybe to his proposition, and I still really haven't sat down and taken the time to consider it. He keeps texting me, over and over, re-suggesting his god-awful plan that my heart tells me to take, but my mind tells me not to. I feel like that was how it was before, and last time I followed my heart, it really got me nowhere. I used to go to Wednesday church sometimes, often only when I was younger so I don't really remember much, but I do remember them mentioning something about not following your heart like everyone might tell you, because "Your heart is full of sin and wickedness.". 

And, while that may sound a little ridiculous, I think the it may actually be sort of right, which I think is funny that I'm admitting that considering that I'm pretty much an atheist. But really, thinking back, I don't think following my heart or my feelings ever really did me any good. I don't think it should have taken me this long to decide something that was such a no-brainer, but I'm not taking Cartman's offer.

I picked up my phone, laying on my back in my dark, cold room. It was sort of late, I think maybe 9:00, but I sent Cartman a text, a really long one too– explaining how I didn't ever want to do something that might hurt Kyle as I had before and that I wasn't accepting his deal no matter how much begging he did. I spent at least 10 minutes composing the message before letting out a big breath and shutting off my phone, putting it on my chest and staring up at the ceiling.

Maybe 5 minutes later, I sat up as I heard a soft knock at my door

"Yeah?" I asked. The door opened and it was Kyle "Just bored.. I just.. Wanted to see what you were up to.." Kyle said, playing with his curls

"Oh.. Just-" I paused "Can I talk to you, actually..?"

He shrugged "Yeah sure." He walked in and shut the door behind him, sitting on my bed across from me "Whats up dude?"

"Um.. The other day on your birthday dinner, when I went outside and Cartman followed me, he was trying to get me to break you and David up." I told him "Seriously?" Kyle asked, sounding annoyed "Yeah."

Kyle sighed, running a hand through his hair "And... what did you say?"

I figured at this point, it's better for me to just be brutally honest with him. If I keep hiding the truth from him, he might hate me again.

"I said Maybe, at first. But.. I don't know why it really took me so long to realize it isn't a hard question to answer, and it's an easy no." I told him.

Kyle went silent for a moment "You're telling the truth, right?" That stung. But of course after all that gaslighting he couldn't trust me just like that all so easily... "Yes Kyle. I'm done hiding things from you. I just want to be your best friend again, have the kind of relationship where we can trust each other with everything despite any weird feelings either of us do or don't have. What matters most to me is that you're safe, happy, and with someone who can treat you right." I told him.

He stared at me blankly "wow.." He would say after a while "What?" I asked "That's just.. So mature of you Stan.." He told me "You.. really don't have anything against David? even though.." His voice trailed off, but I had feeling I kew what he was about to say "Maybe a little but.. I care about you too much to be jealous just because you're in a supportive and healthy relationship." Kyle looked at me "Wow.. It takes balls to not be jealous in a situation like this. Maybe you're more mature than I thought you were.." Kyle said with a bit of a chuckle.

"Well.. thanks." I smiled "No, thank you for being so open and honest... It's honestly kind of a fresh breath of air hearing that sort of attitude, especially from you. And really, thank you for telling me that Cartman made that proposition to you, and thank you even more for not taking it. I probably would've never forgave you for that if you had done it." He told me.

Now I was really glad that I told him. And I was even more glad that didn't take the offer.

"Yeah of course dude." He smiled and opened his arms for a hug "Hug?" He asked. I smiled, my heart racing a little "I'd love that."

So I sat up more and crawled onto my knees over to where Kyle sat on the bed, hugging him and accidentally knocking him back onto the bed. We both laughed together and he hugged back "Hey, no fair..!" He then started tickling me and I couldn't help but laugh "Ahh stop!" I laughed out "No, never!" He chuckled out.

After awhile he had mercy on me and stopped, just staying like that with us hugging. I closed my eyes, and I'm not going to lie, I missed holding him like this. I missed hugging him, I missed his scent. I breathed in his intoxicatingly sweet smell, relaxing more.

He reached one of his hands into my hair and gently ran his hand through it.

I let myself get lost, and I think I almost fell asleep, but he soon gently pushed me off of him "Okay, that's enough." He told me, chuckling "Ah.. Alright." I sighed.

"I'm gonna go back to my room, you should get some sleep." Kyle told me "Yeah, I guess you're right." I groaned a little, laughing.

"Goodnight dude." Kyle told me, giving me a brief hug. When he pulled away I looked him in the eyes, a dead silence for a moment as we looked at each other and nothing else.. I think he was waiting for me to respond but I just kept staring. And I had to restrain from leaning forward and kissing him as we stayed like that for a few moments.

"Goodnight Kyle." I responded, my response being a little delayed.

He chuckled and climbed off my bed and left my room. After he left my room and shut the door behind him, I sighed, falling back into my pillow.

I stared at the ceiling. Why can't I get over him? Why do I have to be so head-over-heels in love with the one guy in my life who I can't be with because of my own stupidity?

I felt like crying, but honestly, I can't even be bothered anymore. I just flipped onto my side, letting out a heavy pained sigh. My heart was aching, but I want to just be over him. I don't want to want him, I want to act mature about this and just be happy for him but it's hard, it's so hard.

I grabbed my pillow and just hugged it close to my heart, squeezing my eyes shut. It was these kind of moments where I wish the landlord allowed us to have a dog or a cat or just something that lived and breathed that I could hold.

I just buried my face into it and let out a big breath.

I didn't end up falling asleep until 1.
Why am I so dumb?